Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Cloning Questions

Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by President Clinton’s special commission to study the moral and practical effects of cloning: Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something? Can … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why December Sucks

December + New Wilmington, PA = 3 feet of snow Post-Christmas Letdown Have to start worrying about those damned W-2’s, W-4’s and W-9’s again Computers shut down around this time – like Keystone I catch my annual stomach virus Two words: frozen highways Getting picked up by police for public … Continue reading

Standardized Bonehead Reply Form (Flaming)

(original by David Parsons) I took exception to your recent post to (newsgroup) email. It was (check all that apply): lame. stupid. much longer than any worthwhile thought of which you may be capable. Your attention is drawn to the fact that: what you posted/said has been done before. (Mark … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

this is kind of amusing

A woman approached the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter asked for her social security number. The woman told him, and Saint Peter typed on his workstation: pearly-gates:~/peter> grep 212-53-6432 /earth/human/status The computer responded: 212-53-6432 Cindy Smith cms@dragon.com!earth naughty pearly-gates:~/peter> Saint Peter then told her she was eternally damned, and that … Continue reading

The Chain Letter Of St. Paul The Apostle To The Corinthians

The Chain Letter of Paul the Apostle to the Corinthians WITH CHARITY ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE This epistle comes to you from Philippi. Grace be to you and peace. Spiritual gifts will be delivered unto you within four days of receiving this letter–providing you in turn send it on. This … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Urban Legends

The Washington Post had a contest for it’s readers to come up with new Urban Legends (Typical current urban legends would be: There are many aligators living in the sewers of New York City as a result of tourists bringing back pets from Florida that later too large and are … Continue reading

misc

Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division. Blore’s Razor: Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. — Ambrose Bierce, “The Devil’s Dictionary” Brady’s First Law of … Continue reading

Ecumenical Fire

During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!” The METHODISTS gathered in a corner and prayed. The BAPTISTS cried, “Where is the water?” The CHURCH OF CHRIST called a meeting to determine if fire was scriptural. The QUAKERS silently praised God for the … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading