10 Things That Sound Dirty At The Office

I need you to whip it out by 5! Mind if I use your laptop? Put this in my box before I leave. If I have to lick one more I’ll gag! I want it on my desk now! Hmm… I think it’s out of fluid. My equipment’s so old, … Continue reading

top 50 things 2 do when your roommate is having sex

The top 50 things to do or say when you wake up to your roommate having sex. 50. (the obvious) “Ooooooo” 49. “That would work better the other way around..” 48. Sniff. Sniff. “Is something burning?” 47. “Damn, that’s complicated.” 46. “Wait, wait, use my pillow.” 45. “Alright already, _I_came.” … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading