New PBS Schedule

Here’s a future PBS schedule if public broadcasting leaders cave in to Republican pressure by Mark Harmon, Associate Professor at Texas Tech. 8:00 am Morning Stretch: Arnold Schwarzenegger does squats while reciting passages of “Atlas Shrugged.” 9:00 am Mr. Rogers’ Segregated Neighborhood: King Friday sings “Elitism is neat.” The House … Continue reading

Notice of Increased Tax Payments

NOTICE OF INCREASED TAX PAYMENT Effective January 1, 1997 TO ALL MALE TAXPAYERS OF THE US: Gentlemen: The only thing the United States has not taxed is your peter! Mostly because 98% of the time it is out of work and 2% of the time it is in the hole. … Continue reading

Top 10 Good Things About the Federal Government Shutting Down

Good time for Ted Kennedy to return his empties Janet Reno goes back to wrestling alligators for a living If millions of government workers stay home, maybe two or three will watch CBS President Clinton can use the time off to pack Much needed rest for Capitol Hill hookers Hillary … Continue reading

Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

Where has All the Humour Gone?

Following the recent announcement that all available humour has been used, and is now being recycled, a very unexpected reaction has occurred in Congress. Responding to a flood of calls and letters,, members of both houses of Congress have come together to attempt to resolve the problem. In a rare … Continue reading

The Promise

Five thousand years ago Moses said: “Pack up your camel, pick up your shovel, move your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land.” Five thousand years later Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovel, sit on your ass, light up a Camel, this IS the promised … Continue reading

Good Things About Getting Adopted by the Clintons

Instead of an allowance, you get a slush fund Can tell the other kids, “My Dad’s Secret Service agents can kick your dad’s ass” “Uncle Al” Gore always has lots of free time to play You can finally stop working in Kathie Lee’s sweatshop Get to hang out with all … Continue reading

Letter To God

There was a little boy who prayed every night for two weeks, asking God for $100. When he got no response, he thought it would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked. The post office received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA,” they decided … Continue reading

Every 4th November

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would … Continue reading

How Many Republicans Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

462 12 to investigate Clinton’s involvement in the failure of the old bulb… 23 to deregulate the light bulb industry… 16 to cut funding for alternative-lighting research and development… 34 to cut the tax rate on light bulbs… 53 to design a block grant so the states can change the … Continue reading

Political Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the night before Christmas and throughout the White House Al Gore was eyeing Hillary, peering into her blouse. The Secret Service men were guarding the premises with care, for a whole host of Democrats were vacationing there. Chelsea was nestled all snug in her bed after locking out Mr. … Continue reading