Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

Universal Truths

MEDIA, TV, FILMS The hell with the Prime Directive – let’s kill something! Hello. My name is Batman. You killed my father. Prepare to die. He’s dead, Jim. You take his phaser, I’ll get his wallet. I hate you, you hate me, let’s go out and kill Barney – with … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

Mail to Newt Gingrich

John Michael Scalzi, II (scalzi@cris.com) wrote: The following is an e-mail I sent to Newt Gingrich, in the wake of the discovery of his comments on the biological urge of men to “hunt giraffes” and to wallow in ditches “like little piglets”: From: Scalzi@cris.com (John M. Scalzi, II) Subject: Giraffe … Continue reading

Hurricane Names

Mike McGovern, a writer, objected to having a destructive hurricane named after his sweet niece, Emily. So in yesterday’s NY Times, he submitted the following list of more appropriate hurricane names and how these storms might behave: Hurricane Clinton – Moves right, then left again Hurricane Gergen – Spins uncontrollably … Continue reading

Shit Stuff

subjective i feel for your shit happening objective it is logical that shit happens pharisee shit only happens to bad people physicist calculates the velocity of shit happening news reporter wants a scoop on the shit happening fundamentalist you deserve the shit that happens to you the i.r.s. “are you … Continue reading

Communist humor

What’s the difference between the United States and Eastern Eupropean countries? The United States still has a communist party. — >From the New York Times, 11/7/89: Q. Do you know what prizes the communists are now offering for recruiting new party members? A. If you get one new member, you … Continue reading

If the World was 100 People

“If we could shrink the population of the earth to a village of precisely 100 people, with all the existing human ratios remaining the same, it would look like this: There would be 57 Asians, 21 Europeans, 14 Western Hemisphere people (both North & South Americans), and 8 Africans. Seventy persons would be … Continue reading

Presidential Quotes

1. If presidents don’t do it to their wives, they do it to the country. – – –Mel Brooks 2. When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. –Clarence Darrow 4. You’re asking the leader of the Western world a … Continue reading