Top 10 Things Independent Persecutor Kenneth Starr Found Out In His Investigation

Al Gore actually cannot move at all because his hair is a nest for endangered hummingbirds Vernon Jordan is actually a Wesley Snipes stunt double Ken will never be as popular as Ed Muskie James McDougal was killed by short-wavelength radiation from UN Black Helicopters Linda Tripp is actually Woody … Continue reading

Rabbi Playing Golf

The great Rabbi of a big city is a golf addict. He likes nothing like playing golf on a warm sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, on shabbat, he has to refrain himself. This is a big dilemma for his soul; the temptation to play golf, and the consciousness of doing wrong if … Continue reading

Another top ten

TOP TEN REASONS COLLEGE IS LIKE PRESCHOOL 10. You cry for your mother. 9. You cross the street without looking for cars. 8. Snack time is a necessity. 7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like (because everyone else looks as stupid as you do). … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

dog’s name

Did you ever stop to wonder what would happen if your dog’s name was Mypenis: – Mypenis ate my homework. – Oh, no! Mypenis is frothing at the mouth! – Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis. – I’m sorry, Officer. I didn’t realize I had to keep Mypenis … Continue reading

If They Were Alive…

The San Jose Mercury-News requested readers to submit their ideas of what certain deceased celebrities might be doing on TV if they were alive today. Here are some of the responses. If Albert Einstein were alive today, he’d be: A. trying to figure out how to program his VCR. B. … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading