Shit Happens in Various World Religions

Religion Shit Happens Taoism Shit happens. If you can shit, it isn’t shit. Shit happens, so flow with it. Hare Krishna Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding. She-it happens, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it… (Repeat until you become one with she-it) Please this flower and buy our shit. Confucianism … Continue reading

Are you in the market for a new toaster?

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. … Continue reading

Product Warnings For Physicists

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Making toast

If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters. If Microsoft made toasters… Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. … Continue reading

candy bars …

Candy Fun ————— It was another Payday, and I was tired of being Mr. Goodbar. So I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue, and I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, “Hey Sweetart, how’d you like to Krunch on my Big … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

If an OS ran your Airplane

If an O/S Ran Your Airplane DOS Airline: Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then they push again, jump on again and so on. DOS with QEMM Airline: The same thing but with more … Continue reading