In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

Idiots In The World

Sign in a gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar! I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the … Continue reading

Dictonary of Dating

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals … Continue reading

Top 10 Things You Can Do At A Public Restroom

Write a novel and have the person in the next stall proofread it Perform the Fart Sonata in F minor and ask others for accompaniment Pretend to masturbate and squirt Jergens hand lotion over the partition into the next stall Aim your piss stream so that it bounces in the … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

the banana of happiness!

Enchanted Banana of Happiness The Enchanted Banana of Happiness is very similar to the Magical Grapefruit of Love. Not to say that one is superior in message, but the wishes are fairly similar. The difference is that some prefer bananas to grapefuits and vice-versa. Thus for a variety of fruity … Continue reading

Loony Laws

These excerpts are from the book “Loony Laws” by Robert Pelton In Ottumwa, Iowa, “It is unlawful for any male person, within the corporate limits of the (city), to wink at any female person with whom he is unaquainted.” In Los Angeles, you cannot bathe two babies in the same … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

LIAR

Lexicon of Inconspicuously Ambiguous Recommendations (Ways to handle those tricky situations! ) You’re called upon for an opinion of a friend who is extremely lazy. You don’t want to lie — but you also don’t want to risk losing even a lazy friend. Try this line: “In my opinion,” you … Continue reading

Thoughts of You

One of the most special places in my heart will always be saved for you. You…. the one person I can always talk to; the one person who understands. You…. for making me laugh in the rain; for helping me shoulder my troubles. You… for being a friend in spite … Continue reading

If the Truth be known

If the truth be known At a doctor’s convention in Switzerland, a conversation was taking place in a tavern after an enthusiastic mid-day lecture. A Jewish doctor said, “Medicine in my country is so advanced we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another, and have … Continue reading

Practical Jokes

Fill your victim’s pillow with shaving cream and put slashes through the top of the case. When his/her head hits the pillow, all the shaving cream will go through the slits and cover your friends head. An old standard…if your victim falls asleep face up with a hand out, put … Continue reading

where are they now?

Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to some famous cartoon characters after they made their big splash. Well, I caught up with a few of them, and these are some of the results: The Grinch Changed his name to Gingrich and became Speaker of the House. Frosty … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treat Is Better Than Sex

Guaranteed to get a little something in the sack If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you candy The person you are with doesn’t fantasize … Continue reading

friend

A friend is a person you can trust, who won’t turn away from you: a friend will be there when you really need someone, and will come to you when they need help. A friend will listen to you even when they don’t understand or agree with your feelings; a … Continue reading

Dictionary of Evaluation Comments

Some of you might like to know what the supervisor is really saying in all those glowing employee work performance evaluations s/he keeps cranking out. AVERAGE: Not too bright. EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED: Has committed no major blunders to date. ACTIVE SOCIALLY: Drinks heavily. ZEALOUS ATTITUDE: Opinionated. CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH: Still … Continue reading

Life Lessons

I’ve learned that … whining doesn’t solve problems. –Age 10 I should never let my little brother take me for a ride in the golf cart. –Age 11 your “I can” is more important than your “IQ.” –Age 14 you don’t know the value of a dollar until you’ve earned … Continue reading

College Vocabulary

Word Descrption ABSENT: (n) The notation generally following your name in a class record. ADMISSIONS OFFICE: (n) Where they take you to get you to admit you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during “new student weekend.” ANATOMY: (n) One of those classes that sounds vaguely risque until you find out what … Continue reading

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Cucumbers

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers —————————————– You can’t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat. Beer bottles don’t get sprayed with pesticides Beer bottles don’t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month. Beer is always in season. Beer … Continue reading

Who Pays On The Date?

For all you single women torn with this dilemma when on a date. This is taken from The World According to HE & SHE by Julie Logan and Arthur Howard: If SHE wants to sleep with him, then it’s a date: HE pays. If SHE doesn’t want to sleep with … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading