Clues for Individuals

Clues for Individuals ——————— The following 11 tips based on allegedly true stories reported from observers in the field. 1. If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx. 2. If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be resolved by continuously … Continue reading

where do deleted characters go?

QUESTION: Where do the characters go when I use the backspace or delted on my PC? ANSWER: If you must know, the characters can go to different places, depending on whom you ask: 1) The Catholic’s approach to characters: The nice characters go to character heaven, where life is good. … Continue reading

Geeky Jokes about Pentium Processor bug ….

Q: How many Pentium designers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: 1.99904274017, but that’s close enough for non-technical people.   Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.   Q: What’s another name for the “Intel Inside” sticker … Continue reading

Top Ten Uses For A Deceased PC

Even the most devoted computer junkie cannot hold on to a machine forever. When that box on your desktop finally kicks it, don’t despair–there are always a few uses for a dead PC: Remove the fan and use it to keep cool during heat waves. Hard drives with more than … Continue reading

Unix Humor

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX consul: Yes, that’s correct. Customer: No, what is it? UNIX consul: Yes. Customer: So, which is the one? UNIX consul: No. ‘which’ is used to find … Continue reading

How To Address a Non-Sexist Business Letter

Let us look at the standard opening phrase of a standard business letter: Dear Sir, Well, this is clearly sexist as it precludes the possibility that a woman is reading the letter. We can try to fix this, however, by writing: Dear Sir/Madam, This was suggested in a recent posting … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Dilbert – The New Sex Symbol Of The `90s

by Scott Adams (scottadams@aol.com) I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. … Continue reading