Why a Pentium is like a Penis

When a guy first realizes he has one, he plays with it for 2 weeks straight. The more money you spend, the more hard drive you get. Guys are always comparing the size of them. For enough money, ANYONE can own one. Floppy drive? Once you are on a pentium, … Continue reading

The Young Man and The Pharmacist

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms … Continue reading

Are You: Pre-Boomer, Baby-Boomer, Generation X, or Generation Y?

Music should be… Melodic and romantic. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Sex is for… Married couples who want to start families. Anybody who wants to start a party. Latex-clad partners in a laboratory setting. Watching on TV. The American Dream is… A house … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

child behavior characteristics

As a student teacher in college, I received this list of “politically correct” characteristics which help describe undesirable behavior to a child’s parents. Here are a few of the undesirable characteristics some children have and how teachers are supposed to communicate the behavior without offending the parents: Characteristic often A … Continue reading

Future Career

An oldish couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and … Continue reading

Catholic School Maths

A young boy was in grade four and was having a terrible time with his mathematics. His parents worked with him night after night but there was no improvement. His math marks were dismal. His parents in desperation decided to transfer their son to a new school. They decided to … Continue reading

Happy Butt

There was this 2nd grade school teacher and on the first day of school she was going over the rules and wanted everyone to introduce themselves. She told them right off, that one thing she would not tolerate in her classroom was profanity or bad language. So she proceded to … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Motorcycles and men

—————————————————————— Reasons Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Men ______________________________________________ A motorcycle can go for more than one ride in an hour. Motorcycles never develop spare tires. Motorcycles last longer. Motorcycles don’t get you pregnant. A motorcycle doesn’t care what time of month it is. Motorcycles don’t have parents. Your motorcycle … Continue reading

The Top 16 Biblical Ways to Acquire a Wife

Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. — Deuterononmy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13) Find a prostitute and marry her. — Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock. … Continue reading