600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 6 of 6)

They don’t call me the Italian Stallion for nothing. My name’s Clark Kent. Let’s go strip in a telephone booth. Put you lippers on my zipper. I’m gonna rape you! Just kidding, what’s your name? Didn’t I see you on a street corner? Wanna watch a porno? Do you have … Continue reading

The World’s Best Worst Pickup Lines

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR I want to call your mother and thank her. Is your daddy a thief? [“No.”] … Continue reading

A guide to Man-Machine Interface Terminology

USER-FRIENDLY C>DUR Command not found. Try retyping. USER-HELPFUL C>DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR? USER-UNFRIENDLY C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR (Eventually you realise nothing is actually happening, or not as the case may be..) USER-HOSTILE C>DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT so … Continue reading

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday Old Yeller – “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t … Continue reading

User Friendly: C Prompt

At the C prompt…. USER-FRIENDLY ————- C:> DUR Command not found. Try retyping USER-HELPFUL ———— C:> DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR ? USER-UNFRIENDLY ————— C:> DUR C:> DUR C:> DUR C:> DUR USER-HOSTILE ———— C:> DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT, … Continue reading

In A Perfect World

a person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17, and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17. you could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant. forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory. doing what was good for you … Continue reading

If only they’d listen…

12 Tips from Junior Employees to Senior Managers on: How to Enhance their Relationship: 1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing. 2. If it’s really a “rush job,” run in and … Continue reading

Santa’s Elf Pick-up Lines

“I’m down here!” “Just because I’ve got bells on my feet doesn’t mean I’m a sissy!” I was a lawn ornament for Gary Sweet.” “I can get you off the naughty list!” “I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys.” “I’m a magical being! Take off … Continue reading

29 BEST PICKUP LINES

THE WORLD’S BEST PICKUP LINES 1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 2. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank … Continue reading

Dating “Don’ts” For Guys

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date… “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?” “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.” “No wine for me tonight. … Continue reading

Who Pays On The Date?

For all you single women torn with this dilemma when on a date. This is taken from The World According to HE & SHE by Julie Logan and Arthur Howard: If SHE wants to sleep with him, then it’s a date: HE pays. If SHE doesn’t want to sleep with … Continue reading

“the last will”

————————————— My father’s plan for me: Study hard and do well… My mother’s plan for me: Study hard, do well, and meet a nice girl… My bother’s plan for me: Stay there, I want your room… My sister’s plan for me: Stay there, I want HIS room… My plan for … Continue reading

dating rules for college (contains offensive language)

Dating Rules For College 1. In an imaginary world a kiss would signify the end of sexual tension and the beginning of a relationship. In college, it means somebody’s horny. 2. In an imaginary world, “I really like spending time with you” and “you’re cool” mean I REALLY like spending … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Unix Humor

A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question: Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program? UNIX consul: Yes, that’s correct. Customer: No, what is it? UNIX consul: Yes. Customer: So, which is the one? UNIX consul: No. ‘which’ is used to find … Continue reading

2nd Graders Drawing

There was a class of second graders. For their assignment, the teacher decided that they would draw a class picture, where each pupil draws something on the picture, then hands it to the next pupil who will Add to it. So the teacher starts off by giving the blank sheet … Continue reading

How the Gingrinch Stole Congress

——————————– How the Gingrinch Stole Congress by Lenore Skenazy (Funny Times / April 1995) ——————————– Every Rep down in Congress liked Clinton somewhat, Except for the Gingrinch, who simply did NOT| He hated Bill Clinton| He hated his wife| He vowed to torment them the rest of his life| The … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading