Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (2 of 3)

Glove your pecker before you check her Coat that slimmer before you prime her Condomize then womanize Cover old pete then grind her meat Guard your peter before you meet her Check your list before you tryst Wrap your bate before you mate Can your worm before you squirm Cover … Continue reading

Cloning Questions

Results of the Washington Post Style Invitational, in which readers were asked to come up with intriguing questions to be considered by President Clinton’s special commission to study the moral and practical effects of cloning: Are the pope and his clone both infallible? What if they disagree about something? Can … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

You Know You’re a Grad Student When…

You just might be a grad student if: you can identify universities by their internet domains. you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels. you have difficulty reading anything that doesn’t have footnotes. you understand jokes about Foucoult. the concept of free time scares you. you consider caffeine to … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Laws Of The Internet

First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator. Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There. Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil. Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well. Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota. Sixth Law: … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You’re Spending Too Much Time Surfing Web Sites

Your opening line is: “So what’s your home page address?” Your best friend is someone you’ve never met. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see “Enhanced for Netscape 1.1” on one of the clouds. You are overcome with disbelief, anger and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Web … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Absolutely Positively Ridiculous Host Names

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And, yes, they all really exist… TOP TEN ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY RIDICULOUS HOST NAMES 10. dam.mit.edu 9. monarch.butterfly.net 8. gratuitouslylonghostname.apana.org.au 7. drag.net 6. my-hostname-is-longer-than-yours.mit.edu 5. tragically.hip.berkeley.edu 4. dislocated.hip.berkeley.edu 3. ohsaycan.ucc.american.edu 2. huh_huh.fire.com 1. vo.mit.edu Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading