You know It’s Your Last Day At Work When …

You know it’s your last day at work when…. You hand a bank teller an envelope, and when she asks, “What’s this?”, you realize you just dropped the company’s deposit in a mailbox. A woman comes into the store, you turn to the other salesman and say, “I waited on … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

More Coffee, Anyone?

An experiment was conducted recently to determine the effects of numerous cups of coffee on human physiology. The test took place in the bright and well-ventilated offices of a newspaper. Regular automatic-drip coffee was used. The brand name is not mentioned here because of possible pending litigation. The names of … Continue reading

Died in Service

A young boy and his father were standing in church foyer, looking at a memorial dedicated to all the men and women who had died in war. “What’s that Daddy?”, the little boy asked. “It’s a memorial to all the people who have died in service, son”, the father replied. … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Trick-Or-Treat Is Better Than Sex

Guaranteed to get a little something in the sack If you get tired, wait ten minutes and go at it again The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some You don’t have to compliment the person who gives you candy The person you are with doesn’t fantasize … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Excuses to miss work

>From the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the Washington Post — a contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work. ================================== If it is all the same to you I won’t be coming in to work. The voices … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

More Things Todo To Your Roomate

Ever time you enter the room, sit in a chair, lean back too far, and fall over backwards. Laugh hysterically for about ten minutes. Then, one day, repeat the falling over exercise, but instead of laughing, get up, look at the chair sternly, and say, “It’s not funny anymore“. Every … Continue reading

Elderly Man

A ninety year old man is sitting on a park bench crying. The police drive by and see him. They stop to see what is wrong. Police: “What’s wrong?” Elderly Man: “I’m married to a twenty year old woman.” (Continues to cry) Police: “Sir, that’s nothing to cry about, you … Continue reading

ha ha kind of funny

“I bought some Instant Water but didn’t know what to add.” “One morning I woke up to find all my stuff in my apartment had been stolen and replaced by an exact copy.” “I’ve got a place in the median of the Interstate. It’s great, but you’ve got to be … Continue reading

Sweeping (Pun)

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor’s lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, “Take this broom and sweep every link … Continue reading

Seniors vs. Freshmen

College Seniors vs. Freshmen ============================== Freshmen: Are never in bed past noon. Seniors: Are never out of bed before noon. Freshmen: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they can cut. Seniors: Read the syllabus to find out what classes they need to attend. Freshmen: Brings a can of … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons for Trick-or-Treating

Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. You don’t have to compliment the person who gave you candy. Person you’re with doesn’t fantasize … Continue reading

Easter Humor

One Sunday late in Lent a Sunday School teacher decided to ask her class what they remembered about Easter. The first little fellow suggested that Easter was when all the family comes to the house and they eat a big turkey and watch football. The teacher suggested that perhaps he … Continue reading