Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Cucumbers

Reasons Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers —————————————– You can’t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat. Beer bottles don’t get sprayed with pesticides Beer bottles don’t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month. Beer is always in season. Beer … Continue reading

Big Brother is Watching YOU!

TO ALL EMPLOYEES 01/01/1995 TOILET POLICY In the past employees were permitted to make trips to the toilet under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee’s toilet time, thereby ensuring equal toilet time for all employees. … Continue reading

Alternatives to children

TOP 10 REASONS WHY KITTENS ARE BETTER THAN BABIES From dcohen@paul.rutgers.edu 10. Veterinarians have evening hours. 9. Your kitten won’t be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Hell, you don’t even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don’t, you don’t even have to … Continue reading