600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 2 of 6)

Miss, If you’ve lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in? Walk over to a table occupied by ladies, whip out your `pud’ and say: Hey Charlie, see anyone here you recognize? I saw you at the party last weekend and you look kind of interesting.. Let’s … Continue reading

Offensive Jokes

Why are chickens so ugly? You would be too if you have a pecker hanging out of your forehead. Where do you get virgin wool? From ugly sheep. What’s green and smells like pork? Kermit’s middle finger. What’s the brown stuff between elephant’s toes? Slow natives. What do you get … Continue reading

office party

Dear Friends: When I came into the office this morning, I noticed a sort of general feeling of unfriendliness and since several of you have openly called me a dirty son-of-a-bitch to my face, I know I must have done something wrong at our office party last Friday. The Office … Continue reading

Instructions for DC tourists

Advice for tourists in DC: *Don’t miss the weekly weenie roasts at the Eternal Flame *Find and use the dining car on the Metro *If the cab doesn’t have a meter, you ride for free *Play a game of handball at the unique v-shaped black marble court on the mall … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Psych Experiment

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me!” The man snapped to attention … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading