Beer Facts

Beer is apparently cheaper now than it ever was, relative to income. In 1925, a gentleman could spend his weeks pay and get 77 tallies (750 mL bottles). The same gentleman in 1957 could spend his weeks wage on 89 bottles. 1969’s average wage netted 93 bottles of beer, and … Continue reading

Top 10 People I Can Do Without On This Campus

Foot draggers (see West Hall) Anyone who calls the Help Desk with a simple problem and gives the entire 30 minute unabridged version of how it happened and all the circumstances surrounding it and what they were wearing at the time, etc. Guys who wear their girlfriends’ sorority letters The … Continue reading

College Essay

This is an actual essay written by a college applicant. The author, Hugh Gallagher, now attends NYU. 3A. ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION: ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

it’s that time again

And it came to pass. Early in the morning, toward the last day of the semester. There arose a great multitude, smiting the books and wailing, And there was much weeping and gnashing of teeth, For the day of judgement was at hand. And they were afraid, for they had … Continue reading

Merry Christmas… A poem email gift.

The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs That You Are Not Going To Choose A Second Date

TOP TEN SIGNS that your meeting/date with a man has hit the skids: Three minutes after he starts giving you a tour of his house, he asks you if it looks nice enough to move into. “Has anybody told you what lovely blue eyes you have?” When in fact they … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Lt. Blandford

Six minutes to six, said the clock over the information booth in New York’s Grand Central Station. The tall young Army officer lifted his sunburned face and narrowed his eyes to note the exact time. His heart was pounding with a beat that choked him. In six minutes he would … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Psych Experiment

The man at the bar, deep in private thoughts of his own, turned to a woman just passing and said, “Pardon me miss, do you happen to have the time?” In a strident voice she responded, “How dare you make such a proposition to me!” The man snapped to attention … Continue reading

You Might Be An Engineer If…

If your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea what you do at work If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE If you wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa) If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes IF THE ONLY JOKES YOU RECEIVE … Continue reading

Feeling Underpaid?

Michael Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute assuming he averages about 30 minutes a game. Assuming $40 mil in endorsements next year, he’ll be making $178,100 a day(working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while asleep. If he … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

finals (again)

The Night Before Finals Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last minute knowledge. Most were quite sleepy, But none touched their beds, While visions of essays danced in their heads. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping … Continue reading

Warning Signs of Insanity

The Warning Signs Of Insanity ————————————— 1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer. 2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn’t expect tentacles to be growing from. 3. … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

3 boys

After the particularly long and violent storm had passed, 8 year old boys were walking together down the beach by the ocean. “Look” cried out one of the boys, as he saw the unconscious man lying there. The boys did CPR and the man revived. “Thank you boys. I’m President … Continue reading

Sex Maths

Scientists have determined that the average time for intercourse is four minutes. The average number of strokes per minute is nine, and since the average length is six inches, the average girl receives two hundred and sixteen inches or eighteen feet per intercourse. The average girl does it three times … Continue reading

84 Things You Don’t Want Your System Administrator to Say

Uh-oh… Oh S***! What the heck?!? Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?) That’s SOOOOO bizarre. Wow!! Look at this… Hey!! The Suns don’t do this. Terminated?!? What software license? Well, it’s doing SOMETHING… Wow…that seemed fast… I got a better job at Lockheed… Management says… … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Gag Headlines

Some gag headlines on how the media would handle the end of the world. USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS. National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN. Inc. Magazine: 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE. Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION … Continue reading

Women’s Restrooms

I’d like to call your attention to the fact that women’s restrooms are too small. Go to any public place where there’s a crowd of people, and look at the lines outside the restrooms. The men’s line is always shorter, and moves about 20 times as fast, if there is … Continue reading