Computer Jokes

Yet another collection of jokes. (Nothing to do with me.) What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman? The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying. How many computer technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to do it and one to tell … Continue reading

Top 10 Things You’d Never Hear My Roommate Say

“All I want is a tall glass of milk and all I have is this God-d*mn beer…” “Barry Manilow is one cool mother-f*cker!” “You mind if I turn off Law & Order? There’s a movie on Lifetime I wanna watch…” “My grand-dad finds that offensive.” “Mind if I replace this … Continue reading

Stress:

“The confusion created when one’s mind overrides the body’s basic desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who desperately needs it.”

Why Beer Is Better Than A Woman

You can enjoy a beer all month. Beer stains wash out. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. When beer goes flat you toss it out. Beer is never late. HANGOVERS go away. A beer doesn’t get … Continue reading

Dating “Don’ts” For Guys

There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date… “Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?” “I really don’t like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.” “No wine for me tonight. … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

Never Say Never, Again

Never interrupt an enemy while he’s making a mistake – Napoleon Bonaparte Never must we dispair, never must we give in, but we must face facts and draw true conclusions from them. – Winston Churchill Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for truth. – Benjamin … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Observations

ANGST Every time I find out the meaning of life, they change it. If only there were some indication the universe was doing it on purpose! Is the world full of smart people pretending, or imbeciles who mean it? If only you could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without … Continue reading

Thoughts on Golf

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf. Golf was … Continue reading

more quotes

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. — Will Rogers I can’t understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. — Fred Allen I do not feel obliged to believe that … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Top 10 things to say or do to annoying co-workers

The next time your co-workers get on your nerves & you have just had it with them, do what I do… Tell them to alphebetize their m&m’s Tell them there is a Moron’s Anonymous meeting at 5 in the middle lane of 101 Leave a wet lollipop on their chair Follow them … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Female; The Rules

The Female always makes THE RULES. THE RULES are subject to change without notice. No Male can possible know all THE RULES. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES. The Female is never wrong. If it appears the Female … Continue reading

Bricklayers Accident

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details will be sufficient. I am … Continue reading