Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

The Full #Diet

BREAKFAST 1/2 grapefruit 1 slice whole wheat toast 8 oz glass skim milk LUNCH 4 oz lean broiled chicken breast 1 cup steamed zucchini 1 Oreo cookie MID-AFTERNOON SNACK rest of the package of Oreo cookies 1 quart Rocky Road ice cream 1 jar hot fudge DINNER 2 loaves garlic … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Top 10 things to say or do to annoying co-workers

The next time your co-workers get on your nerves & you have just had it with them, do what I do… Tell them to alphebetize their m&m’s Tell them there is a Moron’s Anonymous meeting at 5 in the middle lane of 101 Leave a wet lollipop on their chair Follow them … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading