How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

lost in a canyon

Three men are in a hot-air balloon. Soon, they find themselves lost in a canyon somewhere. One of the three men says, “I’ve got an idea. We can call for help in this canyon and the echo will carry our voices far.” So he leans over the basket and yells … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading

Gag Headlines

Some gag headlines on how the media would handle the end of the world. USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS. National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN. Inc. Magazine: 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE. Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading

Dilbert – The New Sex Symbol Of The `90s

by Scott Adams (scottadams@aol.com) I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. … Continue reading

Women’s Restrooms

I’d like to call your attention to the fact that women’s restrooms are too small. Go to any public place where there’s a crowd of people, and look at the lines outside the restrooms. The men’s line is always shorter, and moves about 20 times as fast, if there is … Continue reading

More quotes by women (about men)

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, a bore is someone who talks to you about himself, an excellent conversationalist is someone who talks to you about you. — Lisa Kirk As soon as Adam had the chance, he blamed women. — Nancy Astor It takes a … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading

The Yes Man

OK, you know that in Hollywood, every producer has his “Yes Man” whose job is to follow the producer around and say, “Yes, CB”, “Right, CB” and so on. Well, one of these Yes Men got depressed, so down in fact that he was unable to function. So he consulted … Continue reading