Funny Stories

Two guys were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting, … Continue reading

Top 10 People I Can Do Without On This Campus

Foot draggers (see West Hall) Anyone who calls the Help Desk with a simple problem and gives the entire 30 minute unabridged version of how it happened and all the circumstances surrounding it and what they were wearing at the time, etc. Guys who wear their girlfriends’ sorority letters The … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

Jesus Christ

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted. Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”

50 Ways to Drive Men Crazy

Do not say what you mean. Ever. Be ambiguous. Always. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought years, months, or ago. Make them apologize for everything. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that … Continue reading

Why a Pentium is like a Penis

When a guy first realizes he has one, he plays with it for 2 weeks straight. The more money you spend, the more hard drive you get. Guys are always comparing the size of them. For enough money, ANYONE can own one. Floppy drive? Once you are on a pentium, … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

Virgin’s Guide to Love and Sex

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everythiong you’ve ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? … Continue reading

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and What They Really Mean) >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance”) 9. There’s a slight difference in our ages. (You are a jurassic geezer.) 8. I’m not attracted to … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

The Countries of Europe (Offensive to Europe)

Country Description ALBANIA Albanians have it rough. Even the beaches are swept by searchlights. Also, how can you trust a country whose only celebrity lives somewhere else? Albania’s sole luminary, Mother Theresa, had to go into Third world charity work to get out of the place. National Pastime :- They … Continue reading

Your Favorite Color is the Key to Your Sexual Life

COLOR IS THE KEY TO YOUR SEXUAL LIFE _________________________________________________________________ *************************************************************************** STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP! Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? Ok, read on… **************************************************************************** _________________________________________________________________ … Continue reading

Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

Ten things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving, but aren’t

Reach in and grab the giblets. Whew, that’s one terrific spread! I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist. Talk about a huge breast! “and he forced his way into the end zone…” She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it … Continue reading

Bad Jokes

Things I have seen on men’s room walls: Look up here and pee on your shoes. What are you looking up here for? The joke is in your hand.

Quotes by women

Women never have young souls. They’re born three thousand years old. — Shelagh Delaney Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. — Gloria Steinem Only decent girls keep a diary. The others don’t have the time. — Tallulah Bankhead Only decent girls will get to Heaven. … Continue reading

Armed Forces Joke

One day, a general of the army, an admiral, and an air force general are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver. So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, “Sailor, catch that falling anchor!” The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, “Yes, sir!”, runs under the … Continue reading

Instructions for DC tourists

Advice for tourists in DC: *Don’t miss the weekly weenie roasts at the Eternal Flame *Find and use the dining car on the Metro *If the cab doesn’t have a meter, you ride for free *Play a game of handball at the unique v-shaped black marble court on the mall … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Rant

ON CLOTHES I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

Factoids

Factoids * Coca-cola was originally green. * Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation. * Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treas. * Smartest dogs: 1)border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever * Dumbest: afghan * Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters. * Men … Continue reading