Win95 versus Jesus

If you have half a brain, you can’t help but notice the throng of publications, analysts and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be? Let’s compare Windows 95 against another Saviour, … Continue reading

What If Dr. Seuss Did Technical Manual Writing?

Here’s an easy game to play. Here’s an easy thing to say: If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort, And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, Then the socket packet pocket … Continue reading

The 10 DOS Commandments

The 10 DOS Commandments 1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom. 2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or … Continue reading

Computer Room Christmas Carol

T’was the night before Christmas, and all through the shop, The computers were whirring; they never do stop. The power was on and the temperature right, In hopes that the input would feed back that night. The system was ready, the program was coded, And memory drums had been carefully … Continue reading

parenthood

When my parents come to visit, as in these holidays, I get flashbacks of childhood. Like when I was a kid, my mother had pat answers and special quips she dished out over and over. One of my least favorites was “Because I said no.” I remember thinking what an … Continue reading

Glossary of Computer Terms

*File Description: Glossary of Computer Terms* 640K barrier: the finish line in a mega-marathon access time: foreplay analog: what Ana tosses into the fire assembly language: put tab A into slot B, then put tab C… audit trail: what the IRS does Bandwidth: limited by the size of the stage … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

CPU Message Translation

Here is a “quick guide” to what your PC means when it gives you on-screen messages: Message: Bad command or file name Meaning: You idiot, you can’t even get the file name right. Or else the file doesn’t even exist, in which case you are stupid beyond mortal comprehension. Message: … Continue reading