All The Ways To Confuse, Annoy, And Screw With Your Roommate – (page 1 of 4)

Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class. Twitch a lot. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them. Become a subgenius. Inject his/her Twinkies … Continue reading

600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 6 of 6)

They don’t call me the Italian Stallion for nothing. My name’s Clark Kent. Let’s go strip in a telephone booth. Put you lippers on my zipper. I’m gonna rape you! Just kidding, what’s your name? Didn’t I see you on a street corner? Wanna watch a porno? Do you have … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Computer Jokes

Yet another collection of jokes. (Nothing to do with me.) What’s the difference between a computer salesman and a used-car salesman? The used-car salesman KNOWS when he’s lying. How many computer technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to do it and one to tell … Continue reading

Long-Life

The grand old man at the home was celebrating his 110th birthday and the reporter asked him: “Tell me, what do you think is the reason for your long life?” The old man thought for a while, and then said: “I suppose it’s because i was born such a long … Continue reading

Hazardous Materials Safety Data Sheet; Women – A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT Women SYMBOL Wo DISCOVERER Adam ATOMIC MASS Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg OCCURRENCES Copious quantities in all urban areas PHYSICAL PROPERTIES Surface usually covered in painted film. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason. Melts if given special treatment. Bitter if incorrectly used. Found in … Continue reading

Dictonary of Dating

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals … Continue reading

Shit Happens in Other Various Ways

Yuppie Shit It’s my shit! All mine! Isn’t it beautiful? An Employer Shit happens, and rolls down hill. You may only shit during coffee breaks. An Employee I’ve done my shit, so can I take the day off? This shit’s not part of my contract. Environmentalism Shit is biodegradable. Political … Continue reading

Quotes and Sayings (2 of 2)

The Annuual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable. The first three minutes of your life can be dangerous … The last three can be pretty dodgy too! The meek shall … Continue reading

Condom Joke

A (nationality-impaired) gentleman went to his local pharmacy to purchase some condoms. After browsing for a bit, he picked a package and took it up to the cash register. The clerk looked at the package and said “That will be $7.95 plus tax.” Our hero, a startled look coming over … Continue reading

Offensive Chinese Food Menu

Fresh Every 2 7 Days PEE YU PLATTER Clothes Pins Extra HOO FLUNG POO Napkins & Raincoats Provided SUC SUM TIT Children’s Special YUNG POON TANG No Take Out Orders Accepted LUNCHEON SPECIALS SUM YUNG CHICK [$6 99] Different and Delicious WON HUNG LO [$6 99] Chinese Meatballs SUM DUM … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (1 of 3)

Cover your stump before you hump Before you attack her, wrap your whacker Don’t be silly, protect your Willie When in doubt shroud you spout Don’t be a loner, cover your boner You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong If your not going to sack it, go home … Continue reading