600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 1 of 6)

That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap next to my bed. Nice shoes, wanna fuck? You have some nice jewelry. It would look great on my nightstand. Do you know what’d look good on you? Me. [Look at her shirt label. When they say, “What are you doing?”:] … Continue reading

The Young Man and The Pharmacist

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms … Continue reading

Top 10 New Slogans For ValueJet Airlines

Safety inspections…we don’t need no stinkin’ safety inspections. We cut back on maintenance so we can pass the savings along to you. The official airline of the Hemlock Society. Experience the Everglades up close. Our pilots are younger than our planes. Our fares are almost as low as our cruising … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Resume Translator

Universal Resume Translator “I know how to deal with stressful situations”: I’m currently on long term Prozac treatments. – – – – – “I am able to take the time to interact well”: I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. – – – – – “I have strong communication … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading