Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Dictonary of Dating

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals … Continue reading

A guide to Man-Machine Interface Terminology

USER-FRIENDLY C>DUR Command not found. Try retyping. USER-HELPFUL C>DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR? USER-UNFRIENDLY C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR C>DUR (Eventually you realise nothing is actually happening, or not as the case may be..) USER-HOSTILE C>DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT so … Continue reading

Top 10 reasons why Iron City Beer is far superior to all others

Made from the great, mineral-rich waters of the Monongahela Free $20 bill that “Joe” slips into every can Every 6-pack has at least one can with Jack Daniels mixed in Instead of hops from the Midwest, it has the Hill District’s own home-grown pot It makes people like Mayor Sophie … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

A love story….

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Short Love Story by Garrett Kaminaga Jumper had known Molly Jensen since the moist-eyed days of early youth. Charlie Rickford had teased Jumper about hanging out with girls until Molly beat him up and made him cry in front of Arthur Jones, Jonathan Loo and even Quentin Clarke. … Continue reading

Top Condom Slogans (1 of 3)

Cover your stump before you hump Before you attack her, wrap your whacker Don’t be silly, protect your Willie When in doubt shroud you spout Don’t be a loner, cover your boner You can’t go wrong, if you shield your dong If your not going to sack it, go home … Continue reading

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday Old Yeller – “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t … Continue reading

College News

Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________ I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ … Continue reading

Virgin’s Guide to Love and Sex

As a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have many questions concerning romance, love, even s..e..x. In this sensitive and frank “question and answer” format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explains everythiong you’ve ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams ? … Continue reading

User Friendly: C Prompt

At the C prompt…. USER-FRIENDLY ————- C:> DUR Command not found. Try retyping USER-HELPFUL ———— C:> DUR I don’t understand DUR. Do you mean DIR ? USER-UNFRIENDLY ————— C:> DUR C:> DUR C:> DUR C:> DUR USER-HOSTILE ———— C:> DUR Ha! A mistake! I’m sure you meant to say FORMAT, … Continue reading

Thoughts of You

One of the most special places in my heart will always be saved for you. You…. the one person I can always talk to; the one person who understands. You…. for making me laugh in the rain; for helping me shoulder my troubles. You… for being a friend in spite … Continue reading

Your Favorite Color is the Key to Your Sexual Life

COLOR IS THE KEY TO YOUR SEXUAL LIFE _________________________________________________________________ *************************************************************************** STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP! Before you read this, decide what your favorite color is. No looking ahead or changing your mind, either. Got it? Ok, read on… **************************************************************************** _________________________________________________________________ … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

100+ Ways #Barney Should Die

Nitroglycerin suppository My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit Paper cuts from hate mail Wine press Random act of terrorism Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride) Clubbed by a baby seal hunter Exploding gas barbeque Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding Rusty … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY CAT

* Life is hard and then you nap. * Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours * Variety is the spice of life: One day ignore people, the next day annoy them, and play with them when they’re busy. * Climb your way to the top — that’s … Continue reading

Santa’s Elf Pick-up Lines

“I’m down here!” “Just because I’ve got bells on my feet doesn’t mean I’m a sissy!” I was a lawn ornament for Gary Sweet.” “I can get you off the naughty list!” “I have certain needs that can’t be satisfied by working on toys.” “I’m a magical being! Take off … Continue reading

Teddy Bears are Better Than Men Because…

Teddy Bears are happy to snuggle all night long. Teddy Bears rarely have prickly whiskers. Teddy Bears always keep your secrets. You can always buy a bigger teddy bear. Teddy Bears never bore you to death with details of the games. Teddy Bears can hug for long periods of time. … Continue reading

Beavis and Butthead Pickup Lines

Uh, hey baby. Uh, do you like come here often, huh huh. I said “come.” You need a man in your life, baby. And like, I need a woman. Let’s like get into each other’s life or whatever. Uh, like let’s drop all the uh B.S. and like, you know, … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading