Long-Life

The grand old man at the home was celebrating his 110th birthday and the reporter asked him: “Tell me, what do you think is the reason for your long life?” The old man thought for a while, and then said: “I suppose it’s because i was born such a long … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Betther Than Jesus

No one will kill you for not drinking beer. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. Beer has never caused a major war. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away. … Continue reading

A Week In The Life Of A Smoker

(Copied from The New York Times Magazine – Sunday, September 18, 1994) “Quitters Never Win” — By Susan Shapiro, a writer and book critic living in Manhattan. DAY 1: Wake up and put on a nicotine patch to once and for all quit pack-a-day habit. Write list of reasons: Live … Continue reading

Two Naked Statues

There were two statues in some ancient city of Greece which had been in existence for centuries. One was a nude male while the other was a nude female. For centuries they had braved the cold weather and the scorching sun. They had witnessed historical events such as Alexander the … Continue reading

Scientist and the Minah Birds

A scientist at the University of Memphis has discovered part of the secret of eternal life — by use of a special, rather exotic, diet, he has succeeded in prolonging indefinitely the life-span of a group of porpoises. Part of this diet includes the meat of Minah birds, a tropical … Continue reading

story

You see there was this guy once named Luigi, but he didn’t like the name so he changed it to Larry. He didn’t really know why he changed it to Larry, he just did. The good thing was people didn’t pick on him for his name anymore. The bad thing … Continue reading

a very cool thing to read

Here’s the text of a speech Bill Watterson gave at Kenyon College, Gambier Ohio, to the 1990 graduating class. He says in his speech he was in their shoes 10 years ago, that makes him a 1980 grad, and about 38 yrs old today. Thanks a million to Kenyon College … Continue reading

25 Thoughts To Get You Through Almost Any Crisis

Indecision is the key to flexibility. You can’t tell which way the train went by looking at the track. There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation. Happiness is merely the remission of pain. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. Sometimes too much drink is not enough. … Continue reading

elvis and jesus

THE TWO KINGS Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor” (Matthew 22:39). Elvis said, “Don’t Be Cruel” (RCA, 1956). Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters. Elvis Presley has 12 letters. Jesus is the Lord’s shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd. Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone” (Matthew 4:4). Elvis loved … Continue reading

Reality (Femidom)

If you’ve been keeping up with the latest developments in contraceptive technology, you know that a new female condom was put on the U.S. market last year. For those of you who can’t imagine it, the female condom looks something like a small latex windsock with a flexible ring at either end, … Continue reading

Revised stress test…

credit for this one goes to Terry Morris. As part of a seminar I recently attended on stress in the workplace, I was given a packet which included a family stress test. Our family found that all of the questions fell into what we considered the “wuss” category, and generated … Continue reading

Socialization of the Sexes

What really separates male from female is not external genitalia, nor the lunar cycle of the female. What divides us is babies. Woman, because of some hormonal or instinctual reason, know what to do with babies. To the female, this is natural. For men, it’s all a mystery we never … Continue reading

Are You: Pre-Boomer, Baby-Boomer, Generation X, or Generation Y?

Music should be… Melodic and romantic. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Annoying to your parents. Sex is for… Married couples who want to start families. Anybody who wants to start a party. Latex-clad partners in a laboratory setting. Watching on TV. The American Dream is… A house … Continue reading

Life Got You Down?

If you’ve been a little depressed lately and have contemplated partaking in the bliss of death, here are a couple of cool ways to kill yourself. Even if you don’t use these exclusive royalty-free methods, remember to do it as creatively as possible. Don’t be boring and just take sleeping … Continue reading

Forrest Who? (more)

Forrest Kennedy Ich ein un box of chocolates. Forrest Gore If global warming continues, the choclates will melt. Forrest Visa Card … because Hershey Park doesn’t sell any subpar chocalte and it doesn’t take American Express Forrest jones So, deion, will it be nutty or regular? Forrest Jefferson We hold … Continue reading

A little humor…

THE FACTS OF LIFE: The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can’t buy happiness…But it sure makes misery easier to live with.. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bullshit before. Psychiatrists … Continue reading

Why Beer is better than Jesus

Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Jesus ————————————————- 10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer. 9. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. 8. Beer has never caused a major war. 7. They don’t force Beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. 6. … Continue reading

Calvin and Hobbes quotes

*”If something is so complicated that you can’t explain it in 10 seconds, then it’s probably not worth knowing anyway.”* “Who wouldn’t be interested in everything we do?!” “You know what we need, Hobbes? We need an attitude.” “You know you’ll hate something when they won’t tell you what it … Continue reading

The family stress test…

(Originally from a NutWorks posting by Terry Morris) As part of a seminar I recently attended on stress in the workplace, I was given a packet which included a family stress test. Our family found that all of the questions fell into what we considered the “wuss” category, and generated … Continue reading

ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY CAT

* Life is hard and then you nap. * Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours * Variety is the spice of life: One day ignore people, the next day annoy them, and play with them when they’re busy. * Climb your way to the top — that’s … Continue reading

signs that technology has taken over (3 of 3)

Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life (Part 3 of 3) 21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it’s okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive … Continue reading