The World’s Best Worst Pickup Lines

I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR I want to call your mother and thank her. Is your daddy a thief? [“No.”] … Continue reading

Dictonary of Gardening

Or the real truth about that funny place round the back. Aaaa Sound produced by dozing gardener when stung by bee trapped in said gardener’s trouser leg. Annual Any plant that dies before blooming. Aphid Insect pest that inphests gardens and makes gardeners phoam at the mouth, stamp their pheet … Continue reading

Jokes Collection 2

What’s the difference between a dead politician lying in the middle of the road, and a dead dog in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog! Paddy decided to tidy himself up a bit one day, and went out and bought himself a … Continue reading

What do you call…..?

2 men with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Curt and Rod a guy in a field with no arms or legs? Home Plate an arm-less man hanging on a wall? Art an arm-less man floating in the water? Bob an arm-less man lying on the ground? … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Ten things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving, but aren’t

Reach in and grab the giblets. Whew, that’s one terrific spread! I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist. Talk about a huge breast! “and he forced his way into the end zone…” She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Snow Skiing

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European. . Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. . … Continue reading

29 BEST PICKUP LINES

THE WORLD’S BEST PICKUP LINES 1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand. 2. Can I borrow a quarter? [“What for?”] I want to call my mom and tell I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

List of “Yo Mama” Jokes

I just saw your momma walking down the hall with a matress straped to her back asking for volunteers! Your momma is so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued. Yo momma is such a whore that I could’ve been your daddy, but the guy … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

The Top 17 Signs You’re at a Bad Renaissance Festival

The castle and village are made entirely of Legos. Turkey leg bears striking resemblance to Cocker Spaniel leg. Festival activities include “Ye Olde Wet T-Shirt Contest.” Eight minute drum solo in the middle of “Greensleeves.” “Belly up to the bar, me lad, for some grilled mahi-mahi and fresh California Roll!” … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading

The Programmer’s Quick Guide To The Languages

The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma. TASK: Shoot … Continue reading