Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Laws of Nature (1 of 2)

If nobody uses it, there’s a reason. Interchangeable parts won’t. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. You never find a lost article until you replace it. You get the most of what you need the least. Ralph’s Observation It is a mistake to allow any … Continue reading

Some Handy Insults

Anything preying on your mind would starve to death. You’re an honest man and I’m a liar. Everyone enjoys looking at you. It gives everyone pleasure to see someone uglier than themselves. I don’t think you should worry about your looks. You’ve suffered enough already. Why don’t you start neglecting … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

How The Angel Got To Be On Top Of The Christmas Tree

It just happened to be one of those dreadful days for Santa… It started of when he woke up groaning with a dreadful headache. But with so many things to do before Christmas Eve a few days later, there was no way that he could permit himself time to rest. … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

Future Career

An oldish couple had a son, who was still living with them. The parents were a little worried, as the son was still unable to decide about his future career. They decided to do a small test. They took a ten-dollar bill, a bible, and a bottle of whiskey, and … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

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This page intentionally left blank. (Well, not completely blank, since the above non-empty disclaimer appears on the page. What is meant is that this page is devoid of meaningful content related to the rest of the document. This page serves only as a separator between sections, chapters, or other divisions … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Limericks

a lady from boston, mass. had a most magnificent ass. it was not round, and pink, as you plainly might think. it was grey, had long ears, and ate grass! In days of ole When knights were bold and rubbers weren’t invented They tied a sock around their cock and … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

PC Night Before Christmas

A Politcally Correct Night Before Christmas… Santa can’t smoke his pipe, the elves have unionized, the animal “rights” folks have prevented the reindeer from flying… You get the picture.. == ‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck… How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers … Continue reading

Justify your answer.

March 16, 1993-94 Prof. R. McGinn ESSAY QUESTION (30 points) INSTRUCTIONS: making abundant use of course materials, compose a closely reasoned essay answering the following question bearing on one of the course’s central themes (ethics and technology). Limit: 6 Blue Book sides. Consider the following case: On Twin Earth, a … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Sweeping (Pun)

A sailor was caught AWOL as he tried to sneak on board his ship at about 3am. The chief petty officer spied him and ordered the sailor to stop. Upon hearing the sailor’s lame explanation for his tardiness, the officer ordered the sailor, “Take this broom and sweep every link … Continue reading

Sign Communication

There’s this couple doing yard work and the wife stops to go up and take a shower….. so the guy is looking for the rake and yells to his wife, who looks out the upstairs bathroom window `where’s the rake?’. she can’t hear him. so he points to his eye[i], … Continue reading

Why the Ethernet (Internet, Bitnet, etc..) Is Like a Penis

It can be up or down. It’s more fun when it’s up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done. In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that’s the only thing … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Why Mozart lost the job

Why Mozart Lost the Job Dear Dean X: I write in response to your suggestion of an appointment to our faculty for a Mr. W. A. Mozart, currently of Vienna, Austria. While the Music Department appreciates your interest, faculty are sensitive about their prerogatives in the selection of new colleagues. … Continue reading

Dumb Questions

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street? Why do they tell us to watch The Today Show tomorrow? Who is they anyway? Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected and so therefore one is expecting the … Continue reading