Signs You’ve Hired the Wrong Kid to Rake Your Leaves

He charges you by the leaf Keeps asking where he should plug in his rake Picks up leaves one at a time, dips them in nacho cheese, and eats them. Says, “This’ll just take a minute,” and starts soaking your lawn with gasoline. Your neighbor calls and asks, “Who’s that … Continue reading

Torch in DC

With all the hype about the Olympic Torch coming through the D.C. area, certain gory details about the Torch’s journey were omitted by the media (probably a conspiracy by those “black helicopter” guys). Accordingly, I thought you might like to see a minute-by-minute account of what REALLY happened as the … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

I’m Tired

Yes, I’m tired! For several years I’ve been blaming it on middle-age, iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under-arm odor, yellow wax build-up, and a dozen other other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living. But now I find out, … Continue reading

Hurricane Names

Mike McGovern, a writer, objected to having a destructive hurricane named after his sweet niece, Emily. So in yesterday’s NY Times, he submitted the following list of more appropriate hurricane names and how these storms might behave: Hurricane Clinton – Moves right, then left again Hurricane Gergen – Spins uncontrollably … Continue reading