Reporting to Parents

Interm Report Student: J. CHRIST Form: III Term: 1 SUBJECT GRADE TEACHERS COMMENT Religion D To the question “Who made the world?” persisted in answering ‘My dad’. Claims bible originated from the same source. English D+ Tends to speak and write in archaic forms and uses outmoded figures of speech. … Continue reading

The 10 DOS Commandments

The 10 DOS Commandments 1. I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom. 2. Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or … Continue reading

write with your other hand

The teacher had given the class an assignment. He stresses the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses will be accepted except illness (with a medical certificate) or a death in the immediate family (with a note from that member). A smart-ass student pipes up: “What about extreme … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Course evaluations….(G)

Taken From the MIT Course Evaluation Guide, Fall, 1991 The Best and Worst Comments Received ==================================== “This class was a religious experience for me… I had to take it all on faith.” “Text makes a satisfying `thud’ when dropped on the floor.” “[The class] is worthwhile because I need it … Continue reading

Top 10 Sexually Tilted Lines in “Star Wars V: The Empire Strikes Back”

“And I thought they smelled bad…on the *outside*!” “Possible he came in through the south entrance.” “I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid?” “Hurry up, golden-rod…” “That’s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a … Continue reading

jesus and the 12

Then Jesus took his Disciples up the mountain and, gathering them round him, he taught them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are the that mourn. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are they who thirst for justice. … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading