Shit Happens In Various Professions

Profession Shit Happens Mathematician Shit happening is just a special case… Statistician There is an 83.7% chance that shit will happen. Maybe. Physicist (Theoretical) Shit SHOULD happen. Physicist (Experimental) To within experimental error, shit DID happen. Engineer I hope this shit holds together. Chemist I hope this shit doesn’t blow … Continue reading

The Pope and a Lawyer in Heaven

The pope and a lawyer died together and met together at the pearly gates. St Peter motioned them both to  follow as he walked down a silvery road. The houses were rather meagre along the road. St Peter eventually motioned the Pope to a simple one roomed house where he … Continue reading

Offensive to lawyers

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer? A. In the cemetary Q. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A. A vampire only sucks blood at night. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)? A: When a busload of lawyers goes … Continue reading

Lawyer’s Revenge

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn’t afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a ’70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch you crotch and drink cheap beer car. … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

Mild Religious humor. (May be offensive to lawyers)

Contrary to popular belief, Heaven and Hell are separated by nothing more than a cyclone fence. Over the years, the condition of the Hell side of the fence has deteriorated to the point where parts are falling down, or even missing altogether. It would be easy for a determined damned … Continue reading

Divorced from Reality?

A woman walks into a lawyer’s office seeking to divorce her husband.  The lawyer asks if she has grounds and she says, “Oh, yes. We have a nice front yard and a beautifully landscaped back yard too.” “No, no, that’s not what I meant. Do you have a grudge?” “Oh, … Continue reading

How do they do it ?

Anthropologists do it with culture. Archeologists do it with mummies. Architects do it late. Bankers do it with interest, but pay for early withdrawl. Bayseians probably do it. Boy Scouts do it in the woods. C++ programmers do it with class. C++ programmers do it with private members and public … Continue reading

Law – As It Should Be

Two gentlemen were walking down the avenue, when they saw a well dressed, attractive woman walking in front of them. Said one: “I’d give $50.00 to spend the night with that woman.” To their surprise, the young woman overheard the remark, turned around and said: “I’ll take you up on … Continue reading