Laws of Nature (2 of 2)

THE UNFAILING LAW OF HUMAN OBSOLESCENCE When you finally master life’s route map – you fail the MOT. THE LAW OF STATISTICAL RESULTS If you laid all the statisticians in the world end to end they would all still point in different directions. SOLICITORS LAW Where there’s a will – … Continue reading

In-class Assignment: Tandem Writting

Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first … Continue reading

Laws of Nature (1 of 2)

If nobody uses it, there’s a reason. Interchangeable parts won’t. Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana. You never find a lost article until you replace it. You get the most of what you need the least. Ralph’s Observation It is a mistake to allow any … Continue reading

Humour in Court

Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in London? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Leeds? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Liverpool? A..No. Prosecutor:- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead … Continue reading

Dictonary of Dating

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals … Continue reading

Quotes and Sayings (2 of 2)

The Annuual Conference of Clairvoyants has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable. The first three minutes of your life can be dangerous … The last three can be pretty dodgy too! The meek shall … Continue reading

New Teacher Regulations

TO: ALL STAFF FROM: OFFICE OF SUPERINTENDANT RE: TEACHER IN SERVICE TRAINING SCHEDULE (T.I.T.S) In accordance with recent changes in the State Education Law, our district is now required to supply bigger and better T.I.T.S for each employee. We are therefore, pleased to announce the implementation of the Special High … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Law on the March

In Boston, they run you over when you try to cross the street… In Washington, they shoot you… In NYC, they flip you off… And in LA, all the pedestrians have been killed… But in Liverpool, it’s just a smile and a wave. A pedestrian who failed to thank a … Continue reading

Cartoon Laws of Physics plus More on Mr. Coyote

Cartoon Laws of Physics ———————– Cartoon Law I ============= Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar … Continue reading

A little humor…

THE FACTS OF LIFE: The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you. Money can’t buy happiness…But it sure makes misery easier to live with.. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bullshit before. Psychiatrists … Continue reading

Murphy’s Laws & Corollaries

(picked these up from all over) ============================================================================ Murphy’s Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphy’s Corollary: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Murphy’s Corollary: It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious Murphy’s Constant: Matter will be damaged in … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

laws and stuff

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is true … Continue reading

Laws Of The Internet

First Law: Netlag is the Lowest Common Denominator. Second Law: When you need to be Somewhere, You Can’t Get There. Third Law: The Sysop is Actually a Minion of Evil. Fourth Law: When Sysop is Unavailable, all usually goes Well. Fifth Law: You Will Never Have Enough Quota. Sixth Law: … Continue reading

Life’s Little Truths (Part 5)

First Law of Socio-Genetics: Celibacy is not hereditary. — First Rule of History: History doesn’t repeat itself — historians merely repeat each other. — Flugg’s Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of vinyl, naugahyde and aluminum. — For every … Continue reading

laws

Murphy’s Corollary: It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious Rudin’s Law: In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst one possible. Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results. … Continue reading

Harmless quotes

Don’t worry over what other people are thinking about you. They’re too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them. Unnamed Law: If it happens, it must be possible. Putt’s Law: Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who … Continue reading

More Laws

Hind’s Law #6: Make it possible to write programs in English and you will quickly discover that programmers do not know how to write in English. Steinbach’s Rule: Never test for an error condition you don’t know how to handle. The Law of Measuring Sticks: If all economists were placed … Continue reading

Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking

Excerpts from Robert Wayne Pelton’s Loony Sex Laws that You Never Knew You Were Breaking (Walker and Company): In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it’s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm. It’s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for … Continue reading

murphy-like secret laws

SECRETS’ LAW Two people are too many to keep a secret unrevealed OBSERVATION TO SECRETS’ LAW But at least two people are necessary for a secret’s being CONSEQUENCE OF THE OBSERVATION TO SECRET’S LAW Everyone will know anything much sooner than you could ever imagine ONE-MORE LAW There is nothing … Continue reading

Cartoon Laws

Cartoon Law I. – Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per … Continue reading