Top Condom Slogans (3 of 3)

Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle Can your knob then throb her swab Contain old Doug then clean her rug Cover your limb before you swim Retain your bailer then impail her Rope your dope then make some soap Net your salamander then make salad in her Cap your … Continue reading

Cow Jokes

Q: What do cows do for entertainment? A: Go to moo-vies. Q: What band is a cow favorite? A: Moody Blues Q: If a cow could be a musician, what would it play? A: Moog synth Q: Which job is a cow most suited for? A: Baker. Because they’re making … Continue reading

Cool Things About a Car that goes Faster than the Speed of Light

The Top 20 Cool Things About a Car that Goes Faster than the Speed of Light 20> Sleep ’til noon. Still get to work by 8:00am! 19> Doppler shift makes red traffic lights look green. 18> Breaking laws of physics only a misdemeanor in most states. 17> Never in car … Continue reading

Heroic Failures

THE WORST HOMING PIGEON This historic bird was released in Pembrokeshire in June 1953 and was expected to reach its base that evening. It was returned by post, dead, in a cardboard box eleven years later from Brazil. THE WORST ANIMAL RESCUE During the firemen’s strike of 1978, the British … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

Armed Forces Joke

One day, a general of the army, an admiral, and an air force general are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver. So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, “Sailor, catch that falling anchor!” The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, “Yes, sir!”, runs under the … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Humorously Translated Signs From Around The World

In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency: Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages. Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ass? In a Swiss mountain inn: Special today — no ice cream. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden … Continue reading

May be offensive to Clinton supporters

BILL CLINTON STATUE COMMITTEE LITTLE ROCK, ARKANSAS Dear Friend and Fellow Voter: We have the distinguished honor of being on the committee for raising five million dollars for the purpose of placing a statue of Bill Clinton in the Hall of Fame in Washington, D.C. This committee was in a … Continue reading

The Promise

Five thousand years ago Moses said: “Pack up your camel, pick up your shovel, move your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land.” Five thousand years later Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “Lay down your shovel, sit on your ass, light up a Camel, this IS the promised … Continue reading

Noah’s diary

425 b.c. Day One Dear Diary, First day at sea. Whew! Just made it under the wire. The animals seem happy, but the lions and tigers are beginning to become restless, and it was a bad idea to put the rhinos, hippos and elephants on the starboard side, and the … Continue reading