Top 10 Diseases Popular At Westminster

Arner-Gollinger Syndrome (AR-NUR GAWL-IN-GUR) – Inability to stay off Keystone Equinexcremosis (EH-KWIN-EKS-CREH-MO-SIS) – Stepping on a road apple Cardioburgis (CAR-DEE-O-BUR-GHIS) – Heart tremors caused by too many TUB burgers Oculabilitis (AUCK-YOU-LAB-ILL-I-TIS) – Burnt retinas of those who sit in front of a Information Systems Lab computer too long Pescatosis (PES-KA-TOE-SIS) … Continue reading

Top 10 Uses For An America Online CD-ROM

Gifts for stupid users Extra-large washer (for bolts’n’nat) Emory wheel Toilet paper substitute Stress relief device Soft drink coaster Rear view mirror Unix Lab frisbee Public service poster: “Friends don’t let friends use AOL” Real ISP torture device

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Get Thrown Out of Chem Lab

Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab 10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. 9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, “Does this taste funny to you?” 8. Consistently write three atoms … Continue reading

50 Ways to Confuse, Worry, or Just Scare the Bejeezus Out of People in the Computer Lab

Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream “Oh my God! They’ve found me!” and bolt. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. When your computer is turned off, complain to … Continue reading

Humor: Medical Humor,mildly offensive ethnics, in general

You might be in the medical field if…. 1. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you. 2. Your idea of a good time is a full code at shift change. 3. You find humor in other people’s stupidity. 4. You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac. … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading

T.H.E.Y.

Who is “they” anyway? “They,” of course, are a little-known Federal agency supported by YOUR tax dollars. Cloaked in more secrecy than the NSA, “they” are located in the dungeon of another Federal building at the corner of 7th St. and Independence Ave. NW. “Their” annual operating budget is well … Continue reading