Top Condom Slogans (2 of 3)

Glove your pecker before you check her Coat that slimmer before you prime her Condomize then womanize Cover old pete then grind her meat Guard your peter before you meet her Check your list before you tryst Wrap your bate before you mate Can your worm before you squirm Cover … Continue reading

Reasons Why I Haven’t Written Lately

I took a paper-folding class and every time I try and fold a letter it becomes a graceful swan or scale-covered chicken I didn’t have any stationery with a cute little bunny or Harrison Ford on it I support the migrant ink workers in their struggle against capitalist oppression Everything … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Beer vs. women (more)

WHY BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN 1. You can enjoy a beer any day of the month. 2. You can have two (or more) different beers the same night (or even at the same time) and no one will complain. 3. You can finish with a beer in as … Continue reading

Warning Signs of Insanity

The Warning Signs Of Insanity ————————————— 1. Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer. 2. Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn’t expect tentacles to be growing from. 3. … Continue reading