The Top 10 ways the NFL is planning to cut down on injuries

Make the field out of foam rubber Coat every player’s body with Teflon so nobody can touch them Give out free vials of crack to all Dallas Cowboys who make it through a game without injury Replace all defensive linemen with Westminster’s professors Replace all offensive linemen with mandrills Make … Continue reading

Top 10 Shockers Clinton Will Give To Ken Starr’s Grand Jury

Roger Clinton is actually an adept hacker and wrote UUCP….Unix-to-Unix Cocaine Protocol “I felt Paula Jones’ pain….she had a toothache” Chelsea is actually Bill & “Ginger Spice”‘s love child He grows pot in the Rose Garden Vernon Jordan is Nicole & Ron’s “Real Killer” Monica owns six pairs of knee-pads … Continue reading

How to Rite Good

My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules: Avoid alliteration. Always. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.) Employ the vernacular. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. It is wrong to ever … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Simulating The Gestalt of Skiing (Conditions Skiers Face)

Tore up you knee playing sports this fall? Are your buddies already razzing you about missing the skiing season? No problem. One needn’t actually ski to experience the gestalt of skiing. Just simulate the psychic and physical sensations. Here are 13 ways to duplicate those ski thrills and really pin … Continue reading

Health Insurance Claim

S.C. Anderson PO Box 1302 Minnetonka, MN 55345 Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016 Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an … Continue reading