The Top 10 Bumper Stickers

“Horn broken…watch for finger” “Your kid may be an honor student…but YOU’RE still an idiot!” “We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.” “Be nice to your kids…they’ll choose your nursing home” “Bad cop! No donut!” “If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of … Continue reading

In A Perfect World

a person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17, and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17. you could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant. forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory. doing what was good for you … Continue reading

Actual Newspaper Headlines

Something went wrong in jet crash, experts says Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers Safety Experts say school bus passengers should be belted Drunk gets nine months in violin case Survivor of siamese twins joins parents Farmer Bill dies in house Iraqi head seeks arms Is there a ring … Continue reading

Potential and Reality (bad)

A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert … Continue reading

The family stress test…

(Originally from a NutWorks posting by Terry Morris) As part of a seminar I recently attended on stress in the workplace, I was given a packet which included a family stress test. Our family found that all of the questions fell into what we considered the “wuss” category, and generated … Continue reading

Miscellaneous Rant

ON CLOTHES I once had a leather jacket that got ruined in the rain. Why does moisture ruin leather? Aren’t cows outside a lot of the time? When it’s raining, do cows go up to the farmhouse, “Let us in! We’re all wearing leather! Open the door! We’re going to … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

honorable mentions

These are the Honorable mentions … the reason expensive delicacies usually “taste like chicken” is that they really ARE chicken. Frog legs, rattlesnake, sweetbreads, etc. are actually totally inedible and fancy resturants have been fleecing us for decades. Last Halloween, some kid was out trick-or-treating in a ghoul costume with … Continue reading

Top 10 Worst Cartoon Characters

TOP 10 WORST CARTOON CHARACTERS OF ALL TIME (WITH COMMENTARY) #10- Tweety Bird- You know there’s a problem when every single kid roots for the “hero” to be devoured in each episode. No sense of humor. No personality. Annoying voice. Plus he was always tattling. I knew kids like this … Continue reading

Top Ten Reasons Phillies’ Fans Could Welcome a Strike

No more Businesspersons’ Specials = No Blue Hats.. Idle Phanatic is a great moneysaver. Who can’t use another really absorbent bathmat? Working Triple-A team more familiar than Big Phils this year anyhow. “Magic Number” to elimination would have been too difficult to calculate this early. Your kid’s Little League team … Continue reading

Kid’s Answers to Questions on Love

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?? “Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents!” -Eric, 6 “When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

You might be Republican if… (Republican offensive)

You might be a Republican if… You think “proletariat” is a type of cheese. You’ve named your kids “Deduction one” and Deduction two” You’ve tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. You’ve ever referred to someone as … Continue reading

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal (part 1 of 2)

Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal (Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software) Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it’s only a small step to the rest! For example: 1) As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. … Continue reading

Christmas Carol(some offensive)

A TWISTED CHRISTMAS CAROL Chipmunks roasting on an open fire, Jack Frost ripping off his clothes. Yuletide singers being hung from a spire And Mormons killing Eskimoes. Everybody knows some handcuffs and a 2×4 Helps to make the season bright. Tiny teens with their eyes all aglow Know their parents … Continue reading

kid’s pledge

“I pledge allegiance to myself and to the self-interests for which I stand, one kid, under pressure, with liberty and justice as I see fit.”

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading