Humour in Court

Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in London? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Leeds? A..I refuse to answer that question. Q..Did you ever sleep with this man in Liverpool? A..No. Prosecutor:- Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead … Continue reading

Shit Happens in Other Various Ways

Yuppie Shit It’s my shit! All mine! Isn’t it beautiful? An Employer Shit happens, and rolls down hill. You may only shit during coffee breaks. An Employee I’ve done my shit, so can I take the day off? This shit’s not part of my contract. Environmentalism Shit is biodegradable. Political … Continue reading

Public Sleep Talker

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. “Reverend,” she said, “I have a problem–my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It’s very embarrassing. What should I do?” “I have an idea,” said the minister. “Take this hatpin with you. I … Continue reading

Top 10 things that are just getting too much press

Latrell Sprewell – Yes, we would all like to choke P.J. Carlesimo. But there’s a term for that…”misdemeanor.” Lara Croft – Yeah, we see you’re a 36E. But society isn’t ready for digital relationships. Fidel Castro – disgruntled former ballplayer born 40 years too early. At least he lets the … Continue reading

Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Movie “Twister”

The Top 17 Rejected Titles for the Movie “Twister” “Totally Gone With The Wind” “Lift and Separate” “Boys on the Side — Of My Barn” “Summer Film So Full of Special Effects We Couldn’t Fit in the Plot” “The Weather Channel: The Movie” “Schindler’s Twist” “Field of Debris” “Dead Man Flying” … Continue reading

PCs in the 60s

If personal computers had been around in the 1960’s… Gilligan’s Island: The Professor finds some rare binary coconuts that can be used to upgrade the ROM in his bamboo clone modem to support X.25. After hours of effort, he manages to establish a connection via his papaya-based VT 100 terminal … Continue reading

John and Joe Jones

There were two identical twin brothers by the name of Jones. John was married but Joe, the other brother was single and the owner of a small dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day that John’s wife died, Joe’s boat sank. A kind old lady met Joe on the … Continue reading

The Power Of Faith In A Flood

Abner Jones was a poor tenant who lived in a shack by the river. One day it started to rain. It rained and rained, then it started to pour, and the river began rising. Soon the water was up to Abners knees. A boat appeared. The man in the boat … Continue reading

A Key to Scientific Research Literature

“It has long been known that…” – I haven’t bothered to look up the reference. “While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to these questions…” – The experiment didn’t work out, but I figured I could at least get a publication out of it. “The W-PO system … Continue reading

Gag Headlines

Some gag headlines on how the media would handle the end of the world. USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS. National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN. Inc. Magazine: 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE. Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION … Continue reading