Top 10 Reasons Why Beer Is Betther Than Jesus

No one will kill you for not drinking beer. Beer doesn’t tell you how to have sex. Beer has never caused a major war. They don’t force beer on minors who can’t think for themselves. When you have beer, you don’t knock on people’s doors trying to give it away. … Continue reading

Jesus Christ

The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. “Jesus Christ!” he shouted. Joseph said, “Write that down, Mary; it’s better than Clyde!”

Jesus and the Elves

—————————————————————– “Jesus and the Elves” And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no room for them in the … Continue reading

Win95 versus Jesus

If you have half a brain, you can’t help but notice the throng of publications, analysts and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be? Let’s compare Windows 95 against another Saviour, … Continue reading

bible jokes

What’s the first sign of football in the bible? Jesus going for the cross. What’s the first sign of foul play in the bible? Jesus going for the cross and getting nailed. What’s the first sign of drugs in the bible? Moses came down from the mountain with the tablets. … Continue reading

cecil

A burgular was wandering round the living room of a house, collecting swag, as burgulars do…when he heard a voice say “STOP THAT OR JESUS WILL PUNISH YOU…”, he thought nothing of it and carried on collecting swag, and the the voice spoke up again…”STOP THAT OR JESUS WILL PUNISH … Continue reading

elvis and jesus

THE TWO KINGS Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor” (Matthew 22:39). Elvis said, “Don’t Be Cruel” (RCA, 1956). Jesus H. Christ has 12 letters. Elvis Presley has 12 letters. Jesus is the Lord’s shepherd. Elvis dated Cybill Shepherd. Jesus said, “Man shall not live by bread alone” (Matthew 4:4). Elvis loved … Continue reading

Religous Golf

One day three people were playing golf. The first person up to the tee was Jesus. He steps up to the tee, lines up his shot, and hits ball as hard as he can. It’s not to good of a shot. It ends up on a lilly pad in the … Continue reading

jesus joke

Jesus recently walked into a bar somewhere in the Western World. He approached three sad-faced gentlemen at a table, and greeted the first one: “What’s troubling you, brother?” he said. “My eyes. I keep getting stronger and stronger glasses, and I still can’t see.” Jesus touched the man, who ran … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Jesus Joke (clean)

The Day of Judgement has arrived. Major disasters everywhere: flood, fire, disease. St. Peter has been at the Gates of Heaven for three straight days, asking the millions of victims some very basic questions. Jesus comes along and sees that Peter is much too tired to continue. “Pete, take a … Continue reading

Jesus is Coming

A Catholic Bishop was on his way to the Vatican when he saw a crowd of people. “Driver, ” he asked “take me to see what is happening over in that crowd of people. So he went over and saw Jesus Christ walking towards the Vatican. “Oh, my goodness!! That’s … Continue reading

New Priest

The new priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second appearance in the pulpit he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said, “next Sunday it may help if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, every thing should … Continue reading

Where is Jesus?

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. … Continue reading

jesus and the 12

Then Jesus took his Disciples up the mountain and, gathering them round him, he taught them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are the that mourn. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are they who thirst for justice. … Continue reading

People I Can Do Without

Guys in their 50’s named “skip”. Anyone who pays for vaginal jelly with an exxon credit card. An airline pilot who’s wearing two different shoes. A proctologist with poor depth perception. A pimp who drives a Toyota corolla. A gynaecologist who wants his patients to have three or four drinks … Continue reading

10 Reasons Your Girlfriend Might Leave You For A Woman

Doesn’t whine about affirmative action taking away “your” promotions Knows what the clitoris is Even if she does sit around in a dirty tshirt watching television, she at least knows how to wash it herself. Knows where the clitoris is. Doesn’t think sexual harassment has been “blown way out of … Continue reading

Jesus and Moses in a Boat

Moses and Jesus are floating on the sea in a small boat. They talk for a while about the good ol’ days. Jesus thinks for a second and says to Moses, “Do you think you still have the touch?”. Moses looks at him and shrugs, “Dunno. Let me try.” So … Continue reading

possibly religous offense

I saw this on a bumper sticker that was originaly one of those “JESUS SAVES” bumper stickers. But someone put some graffitti on it to make it hilarious. Here it is: JESUS SAVES — Gretzky gets the rebound, he shoots, HE SCORES!!!!

What Happened in 1994

Ft. Wayne, Ind. Police responded to a complaint of bullets hitting a house only to find that the complainant had hidden his loaded piston in the stove, forgotten about it and then turned on the oven. Newark, NJ A lawyer sued a resturant for damages when he was served a … Continue reading

The Power Of Faith In A Flood

Abner Jones was a poor tenant who lived in a shack by the river. One day it started to rain. It rained and rained, then it started to pour, and the river began rising. Soon the water was up to Abners knees. A boat appeared. The man in the boat … Continue reading

Moses, Jesus, Mohammed and the beautiful girl (profane)

One time, Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed were walking about when they saw this great looking woman. They all were enthralled with her and each wanted to have her, but they couldnt agree who. “I should have her”, said Moses. “I’m the eldest.” “I should have her”, said Jesus. “I’m still … Continue reading

Easter Humor

One Sunday late in Lent a Sunday School teacher decided to ask her class what they remembered about Easter. The first little fellow suggested that Easter was when all the family comes to the house and they eat a big turkey and watch football. The teacher suggested that perhaps he … Continue reading