What do you call…..?

2 men with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Curt and Rod a guy in a field with no arms or legs? Home Plate an arm-less man hanging on a wall? Art an arm-less man floating in the water? Bob an arm-less man lying on the ground? … Continue reading

The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering in California

The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering in California – from a post by Justine Ehlers ********************************************** What They Say What It Means ============= ============= spacious hole in the wall to anyone living in their car that’s why we’re charging $200 above the going rate easy access to Particularly in … Continue reading

Why Ask Why

Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive? Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when … Continue reading

Rabbi Playing Golf

The great Rabbi of a big city is a golf addict. He likes nothing like playing golf on a warm sunny afternoon. Unfortunately, on shabbat, he has to refrain himself. This is a big dilemma for his soul; the temptation to play golf, and the consciousness of doing wrong if … Continue reading

Getting My Daily Exercise

One day this moron passed a guy jumping up and down on a man-hole cover. The moron noticed that the guy was saying “21…21…21…21…”. The moron stopped and watched and after awhile, said, “Duh, het buddy, whatcha doin?” “21…21…21…Getting my daily exercise…21…21…21…” “Duh, ohhh. Can I try?” “21…21…21…Sure.” The guy … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Golf Jokes

A father spoke to his son, “It’s time we had a little talk, my son. Soon you will have urges and feelings you’ve never had before. Your heart will pound and your hands will sweat. You’ll be preoccupied and won’t be able to think of anything else.” He added, “But … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

John and Joe Jones

There were two identical twin brothers by the name of Jones. John was married but Joe, the other brother was single and the owner of a small dilapidated boat. It happened that the same day that John’s wife died, Joe’s boat sank. A kind old lady met Joe on the … Continue reading

Confucious say

Canonical Collection of “CONFUCIUS SAY” Wisdom ================================================ Last Updated: 10/18/94 77. “Is good for girl to meet boy but better for boy to meat girl.” 76. “Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.” 75. “Man who finger girl having period may get caught red handed.” 74. “Man trapped … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Top 10 Rejected Dr. Seuss Titles

Lorax II: Machine-gun Vengeance Green Egg-Beaters and Tofu (Low Cholesterol Edition) The Cat in the Hat in the Frat Bartholomew Cubbins and the Above-ground Testing Hops for Pops The Cat in the Provocative Negligee Horton Picks a Scab The Grinch Who Shoplifted Arbor Day Horton Finds Waldo and Tramples Him … Continue reading