The Gates of Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Episcopalian”. St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8”. Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion”? “Baptist”. “Go to room … Continue reading

Heaven or Hell

Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. “Well, Bill, I’m really confused on this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every … Continue reading

the Pope’s reward

There was a Pope who was greatly loved by all of his followers, a man who led with gentleness, faith and wisdom. His passing was grieved by the entire world, Catholic or not. As the Pope approached the gates of heaven it was Saint Peter who greeted him in a … Continue reading

Bill Gates – Heaven

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone’s surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area. Heaven’s reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and … Continue reading

The Pope and a Lawyer in Heaven

The pope and a lawyer died together and met together at the pearly gates. St Peter motioned them both to  follow as he walked down a silvery road. The houses were rather meagre along the road. St Peter eventually motioned the Pope to a simple one roomed house where he … Continue reading

jesus and the 12

Then Jesus took his Disciples up the mountain and, gathering them round him, he taught them, saying: Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven. Blessed are the meek. Blessed are the that mourn. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are they who thirst for justice. … Continue reading

Lawyer: Too Young To Die

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. “I’m … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

deep thoughts

Deeper Thoughts by Jack Handy Maybe in order to understand mankind we have to look at the word itself. Mankind. Basically, it’s made up of two separate words– “mank” and “ind.” What do these words mean? It’s a mystery, and that’s why so is mankind. –@– Children need encouragement. If … Continue reading

Devil & Co.

The Devil once found out that his domain was too small for his ‘subjects’ so he ordered some of his juniors to move the fence to heaven a bit longer into God’s domain. When this was noticed, God replied the act with the following letter: Devil & Co. God Inc. … Continue reading

Mild Religious humor. (May be offensive to lawyers)

Contrary to popular belief, Heaven and Hell are separated by nothing more than a cyclone fence. Over the years, the condition of the Hell side of the fence has deteriorated to the point where parts are falling down, or even missing altogether. It would be easy for a determined damned … Continue reading

The Power Of Faith In A Flood

Abner Jones was a poor tenant who lived in a shack by the river. One day it started to rain. It rained and rained, then it started to pour, and the river began rising. Soon the water was up to Abners knees. A boat appeared. The man in the boat … Continue reading

We Be Prayin’

May be offensive to blacks and the religious. ============================================== EBONICS ENGLISH Big Daddy’s Rap The Lord’s Prayer ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yo, Bid Daddy upstairs, Our Father, who art in Heaven You be chillin’ Hallowed be thy name So be yo hood Thy Kingdom come You be sayin’ it, I be doin’ … Continue reading