Idiots In The World

Sign in a gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a dollar! I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the … Continue reading

A Week In The Life Of A Smoker

(Copied from The New York Times Magazine – Sunday, September 18, 1994) “Quitters Never Win” — By Susan Shapiro, a writer and book critic living in Manhattan. DAY 1: Wake up and put on a nicotine patch to once and for all quit pack-a-day habit. Write list of reasons: Live … Continue reading

Top 10 Reason Why TV Is Better Than The Web

It doesn’t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. When was the last time you tuned in to “Melrose Place” and got a “Not Found 404” message? There are fewer grating color schemes on TV. Even on MTV. The family never argues over which Web site … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Health Insurance Claim

S.C. Anderson PO Box 1302 Minnetonka, MN 55345 Superior Health Insurance ATTN: Claims Review 1423 W. 90th St. New York, NY 05016 Dear Sir: This letter is in response to your recent letter requesting a more detailed explanation concerning my recent internment at Methodist Hospital. Specifically, you asked for an … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Hard To Find Collectables

Official Dan Rostenkowski postage stamp dispensers American Lung Association ash trays M.A.D.D. 12 volt beer coolers American Heart Association butter molds A.S.P.C.A. riding crops Branch Davidian matchbook covers Womens’ Temperance League brandy snifters A.A. shot glasses USMC issue ear rings Save-The-Whales scrimshaw whaling ships “I Visited the World Trade Center” … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Hyper-Cerebral Electrosis

The internet has been abuzz lately with a worrisome health alert. It seems intense mental activity can trigger a rare brain disorder called hyper-cerebral electrosis, resulting in a rather messy explosion. Chess players and others with great powers of concentration are especially at risk. Worried? Take the following diagnostic quiz, … Continue reading

Worse Wake-ups

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness * “I don’t know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice.” * “Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he’s still moving.” * “Blink once for ‘yes’”. * “What do you mean we have the wrong … Continue reading

Aplication to be Ill

APLICATION TO BE ILL (Self – certified) ————————————— This form must be submitted at least 21 days prior to the date upon which you want the illness to commence ———————————————————————- Name:…………………………………………………… Department:……………………………………………… Salary no.:……………………………………………… DATE UPON YOU WHICH YOU WISH ILLNESS TO COMMENCE!:……………

First Aid Part II

Part two of First Aid. HEAT High temperature. Pale and Lock up victim in walk-in EXHAUSTION clammy skin, or hot and freezer for 1-2 hours. flushed skin. Headache and weakness. Possible nausea. INSECT BITES Pain and redness at the Capture insect and mash to and STINGS site of the sting … Continue reading