Politically Correct Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid

A few clowns short of a circus. A few fries short of a Happy Meal. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity. A few beers short of a six-pack. Dumber than a box of hair. A few peas short of a casserole. Doesn’t have all his cornflakes in one box. The wheel’s … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Teddy Bears are Better Than Men Because…

Teddy Bears are happy to snuggle all night long. Teddy Bears rarely have prickly whiskers. Teddy Bears always keep your secrets. You can always buy a bigger teddy bear. Teddy Bears never bore you to death with details of the games. Teddy Bears can hug for long periods of time. … Continue reading

Inverterate Smilers Need a Dose of Reality

One of my fondest curbstone theories has recently been confirmed by genuine scientific research. It has to do with why some people are chronically grouchy and depressed while others are always bubbling with enthusiasm and looking at the bright side of life. A psychologist took a close look at students … Continue reading

How the Pentium Stole Christmas

Every Coder in Codeville liked objects a lot. “Tested,” “reusable,” that’s what was hot. But the Grinch of reality sulked in his cave Saying, “Hear them all talk of the time that they’ll save!” The Grinch hated Coders, and liked them to sweat. He thought, “I can make them unhappy, … Continue reading

Best Man stuff

_____________ The Best Man’s toast to the bride & groom at my wedding was: “… and, remembering Socrates, who said: ‘By all means, a man should marry. If it succeeds, he will be happy beyond his dreams. If it does not, he will become a Philosopher.’ Here’s hoping we never … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Happy Butt

There was this 2nd grade school teacher and on the first day of school she was going over the rules and wanted everyone to introduce themselves. She told them right off, that one thing she would not tolerate in her classroom was profanity or bad language. So she proceded to … Continue reading

Do not taunt happy fun ball

Happy Fun Ball -only $14.95- Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball. Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, … Continue reading

a story with morals

IF YOU ARE UNHAPPY ONCE UPON A TIME. THERE WAS A NONCONFORMING SPARROW WHO DECIDED NOT TO FLY SOUTH FOR THE WINTER. HOWEVER, SOON THE WEATHER TURNED SO COLD THAT HE RELUCTANTLY STARTED TO FLY SOUTH. IN A SHORT TIME ICE BEGAN TO FORM ON HIS WINGS AND HE FELL … Continue reading

what is marriage?

SUBJECT…… THE “LIGHTER” SIDE OF MARRIAGE 1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!). 2. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached. 3. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for … Continue reading

Top Ten Signs You Bought The Wrong Computer

The monitor is certified for low emissions by JiffyLube. The logo on your receipt: International House of Lame Computers. The infra-red cordless keyboard has only 15 keys, and one of them is marked Fast Forward. You see the salesman you bought it from hawking genuine Rolexes on street corners. The … Continue reading

Every 4th November

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would … Continue reading

Unsuccessful Greeting Cards

Happy Vasectomy! Hope you feel zippy! ‘Cause when I got one… I got real snippy. I heard you had herpes… and I feel terrible… I’d say “Get well soon”… but I know it’s incurable. My tire was thumping…. I thought it was flat…. when I looked at the tire…. I … Continue reading

Frogs

A chicken goes into a library and takes out a book. The librarian thinks this is a bit strange, but lets it go out. In ten minutes, it brings the book back and gets out two more. Again the librarian lets it. In another ten minutes, it returns and takes … Continue reading

Love Is…

Love is Love is Slapping the other person when they get too happy being sad when the person is too happy being together in good times and seeing them deteriorate into bad times Love is the source of control Love is being honest with yourself at all times… unless it … Continue reading