Funny Stories

Two guys were having a slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn’t bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting, … Continue reading

where are they now?

Some of you may be wondering what ever happened to some famous cartoon characters after they made their big splash. Well, I caught up with a few of them, and these are some of the results: The Grinch Changed his name to Gingrich and became Speaker of the House. Frosty … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

32 Reasons Why Cookie Dough Is Better Than Men

It’s enjoyable hard or soft. It makes a mess too, but it tastes better. It doesn’t mind if you take your anger out on it. You always want to swallow. It won’t complain if you share it with friends. It’s “quick and convenient”. You can enjoy it more than once. … Continue reading

100 Zany Ways To Phone In A Pizza Order

If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it. Use CB lingo where applicable. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

girlfriend communication guide

GIRLFRIEND COMMUNICATION GUIDE ================================ WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND /WIFE SAYS … /WIFE REALLY MEANS * You want < => You want * We need < => I want * It’s your decision < => The correct decision should be obvious by now. * Do what you want < … Continue reading

If Dr. Seuss Wrote For Star Trek the Next Generation

If Dr. Seuss wrote for Star Trek: the Next Generation… By Dave Fuller Picard: Sigma Indri, that’s the star, So, Data, please, how far? How far? Data: Our ship can get there very fast But still the trip will last and last We’ll have two days til we arrive But … Continue reading

Good Things About Getting Adopted by the Clintons

Instead of an allowance, you get a slush fund Can tell the other kids, “My Dad’s Secret Service agents can kick your dad’s ass” “Uncle Al” Gore always has lots of free time to play You can finally stop working in Kathie Lee’s sweatshop Get to hang out with all … Continue reading

The Power Of Faith In A Flood

Abner Jones was a poor tenant who lived in a shack by the river. One day it started to rain. It rained and rained, then it started to pour, and the river began rising. Soon the water was up to Abners knees. A boat appeared. The man in the boat … Continue reading

Real Programmers

Don’t eat quiche. Real programmers don’t even know how to spell Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food. Don’t write application programs. They program right down to the bare metal. Application programs are for dullards who can’t do system programming. Don’t write specs. Users should be grateful for … Continue reading

Redneck Computer Lingo

“Hard drive” — Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer. “Keyboard” —- Place to hang your truck keys. “Window” —— Place in the truck to hang your guns. “Floppy” —— When you run out of Polygrip. “Modem” ——- How … Continue reading

Tickling Trivia

1. What’s in front of a woman and back of a cow? The letter W 2. What’s starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid? A coconut 3. What’s about 6 inches long, has a vein running down it and … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading