Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

How to answer the usual questions asked of Indians?

To help the new wave of incoming students from India, here are the proper answers to awkward questions asked everyday: Q. What does that red dot on women’s forehead mean? A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery skills by target practising by aiming at their wife’s … Continue reading

Top 10 Good Things About the Federal Government Shutting Down

Good time for Ted Kennedy to return his empties Janet Reno goes back to wrestling alligators for a living If millions of government workers stay home, maybe two or three will watch CBS President Clinton can use the time off to pack Much needed rest for Capitol Hill hookers Hillary … Continue reading

Picture This

The British Government’s policy of socialized medicine has recently been broadened to include a service called “Proxy Fathers”. Under the government plan, any married woman who is unable to become pregnant through the first five years of her marriage may request the service of a proxy father; a government employee … Continue reading

In A Perfect World

a person should feel as good at 50 as he did at 17, and he would actually be as smart at 50 as he thought he was at 17. you could give away a baby bed without getting pregnant. forget-me-nots would stimulate the memory. doing what was good for you … Continue reading

Non-Religious-isms

Here are a few interesting views on politics: Communisim: If you have two cows you give both cows to the government, and then the government sells you some of the milk. Socialism: If you have two cows, you give both cows to the government and then the government gives you … Continue reading

Top 10 Ways America would be Different with Bill Gates as President

Top 10 Ways America would be Different with Bill Gates as President ——————————————————————- 10. Millions of taxpaying nerds would line up outside post offices around the country at 12:01 a.m, on January 1st to be the first ones to mail in their 1040 forms to pay for America ’97. 9. … Continue reading

laws and stuff

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time. It is Texas law that when two trains meet each other at a railroad crossing, each shall come to a full stop, and neither shall proceed until the other has gone. It is true … Continue reading

History Of Santa Claus: The Untold Story

Year 1689 Spanish-German explorer Santa Claus discovers the North Pole, and establishes a small base camp. 1691 Because of harsh and meager living conditions, Claus’ crew abandons him. 1692 Claus is rescued by the Viking ship Hvorfor. He returns to Europe, bringing some items with him from the North Pole. … Continue reading

I’m Tired

Yes, I’m tired! For several years I’ve been blaming it on middle-age, iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, air pollution, water pollution, saccharin, obesity, dieting, under-arm odor, yellow wax build-up, and a dozen other other maladies that make you wonder if life is really worth living. But now I find out, … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Business Joke

TEST YOUR BUSINESS SENSE – thanks to Pat Snider and Gary Guibor You are a major defense contractor, and you are building a gun for the Army that is supposed to be able to shoot down enemy planes. So far, the taxpayers have paid you nearly $2 billion for it, … Continue reading

Pizza Intelligence: An Update

Note: OPSEC is short for “Operations Security”, i.e. ensuring a potential enemy cannot determine what you’re about to do. Earlier this year [1991], we reported that Domino’s Pizza claims it can predict when the government is about to undertake some sort of major activity based upon the increase in pizza … Continue reading

Dilbert – The New Sex Symbol Of The `90s

by Scott Adams (scottadams@aol.com) I get about 100 e-mail messages a day from readers of my comic strip “Dilbert.” Most are from disgruntled office workers, psychopaths, stalkers, comic-strip fans — that sort of person. But a growing number are from women who write to say they think Dilbert is sexy. … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading