Lawyer’s Revenge

A quick narrative. I always wanted a hopped up muscle car when I was younger. I couldn’t afford one. Now I can, and I have one. It is a ’70 Mustang, and her name is Bessie. Bessie is the prototypical juvenile, male-caveman, scratch you crotch and drink cheap beer car. … Continue reading

in the beginning ()

#In the beginning was the computer. And God said :Let there be light! #You have not signed on yet. :God. #Enter user password. :Omniscient. #Password Incorrect. Try again! :Omnipotent. #Password Incorrect. Try again! :Technocrat. #And God signed on 12:01 a.m., Sunday, March 1. :Let there be light! #Unrecognizable command. Try … Continue reading

Ecumenical Fire

During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, “The building is on fire!” The METHODISTS gathered in a corner and prayed. The BAPTISTS cried, “Where is the water?” The CHURCH OF CHRIST called a meeting to determine if fire was scriptural. The QUAKERS silently praised God for the … Continue reading

book of creation

THE BOOK OF CREATION —————————————————— Chapter 1 1- In the beginning God created Dates. 2- And the date was Monday, July 4, 4004 BC. 3- And God said, let there be light; and there was light. And when there was Light, God saw the Date, that it was Monday, and … Continue reading

Only in Arkansas

Here’s more on why Arkansas is everyone’s favorite state. This is from the Arkansas Democrat Gazette: “Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and hit a tree near Cotton Plant on State Highway 38 early Monday morning…” “Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and … Continue reading

Top Ten Ways the Bible Would Have Been Different if Written by College Students.

Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and Chips Ten Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn’t dorm food. Paul’s Letters to the Romans become Paul’s E-Mail to the … Continue reading

Genesis II

============================================================================== Genesis II (Author Unknown) What would happen if God had to do it all over again? AND GOD SAID: “IN THE BEGINNING, GOD CREATED HEAVEN AND EARTH.” He was then faced with a Notice of Violation and a class action lawsuit for failing to file a Part A notification … Continue reading

God as a Computer Programmer

Some important theological questions are answered if we think of Cod as a computer programmer. Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life? A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it’s tedious to step through all those variables. Q: Why does God allow evil to happen? … Continue reading