600 Pick Lines; Guaranteed to Work (page 6 of 6)

They don’t call me the Italian Stallion for nothing. My name’s Clark Kent. Let’s go strip in a telephone booth. Put you lippers on my zipper. I’m gonna rape you! Just kidding, what’s your name? Didn’t I see you on a street corner? Wanna watch a porno? Do you have … Continue reading

Top 10 People I Can Do Without On This Campus

Foot draggers (see West Hall) Anyone who calls the Help Desk with a simple problem and gives the entire 30 minute unabridged version of how it happened and all the circumstances surrounding it and what they were wearing at the time, etc. Guys who wear their girlfriends’ sorority letters The … Continue reading

The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Ms. Nice Guy – “Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn’t have” Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly Disadvantages: May wise up someday Old Yeller – “You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can’t … Continue reading

The Young Man and The Pharmacist

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants. “Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms … Continue reading

Budweiser Method

These three guys are in a bar, having a few beers, and checking out the babes as they enter the establishment. One walks in, rather attractive, and they “discuss” her “rating,” which, of course, is on a 1 to 10 scale. One says, “I’d give her a 7… she’s really … Continue reading

classifieds

FROM THE CLASSIFIEDS 2 female Boston terrier puppies, 7 wks old, perfect markings, 555- 1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special–turkey $2.35; chicken or beef $2.25; children … Continue reading

Dear IRS; Take my Children, PLEASE!

This is a real letter by someone at Intel. The IRS sent me a letter last Friday. They audited my return and denied two of my dependent deductions! I thought you might like to read my response which, while more devastating than any militia plot, is a kinder and gentler … Continue reading

Quotes By Women

I feel convinced that a girl would never let herself be brought to the altar, no, she would probably refuse completely, if she knew *everything*… — Queen Victoria I married below my standards – all women do. — Nancy Astor You meet a lot of smart guys with stupid wives, … Continue reading

Streaking

INTEROFFICE MEMO TO: All Office Personnel FROM: Management SUBJECT: Streaking IN VIEW OF NUMEROUS INQUIRIES DEPARTMENT HEADS HAVE HAD AS TO COMPANY POSITION ON “STREAKING” THE MANAGEMENT HAS ADOPTED THE FOLLOWING REGULATIONS: Streaking will be permitted as follows: Female employees will streak on odd days – males on even days. … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Kid’s Answers to Questions on Love

WHAT EXACTLY IS MARRIAGE?? “Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don’t have to give her back to her parents!” -Eric, 6 “When somebody’s been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, ‘I’ll take you for a whole life, … Continue reading