New PBS Schedule

Here’s a future PBS schedule if public broadcasting leaders cave in to Republican pressure by Mark Harmon, Associate Professor at Texas Tech. 8:00 am Morning Stretch: Arnold Schwarzenegger does squats while reciting passages of “Atlas Shrugged.” 9:00 am Mr. Rogers’ Segregated Neighborhood: King Friday sings “Elitism is neat.” The House … Continue reading

University Entrance Exam: Football Player Version

What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions OR give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a bridge sail the ocean lead an army or WRITE A … Continue reading

Top 10 Things That Will Auctioned Off Next

Evander Holyfield’s ear Bits and Pieces of a US Hockey Team hotel room A set of banned Minnesota Timberwolves’ too-long shorts The Wilt Chamberlain Condom Collection Prime Ribs and Sirloins from the previous Bevos 100 spit-soaked towels of Jerry Tarkenian Jim McMahon’s acupuncture needles Every commercial John Madden has ever … Continue reading

The Cat’s Dead!

Ed was devoted to his cat. He had special cat toys, special foods, special litter, everything a cat could require, Ed provided. When he had, absolutely HAD to go to San Francisco for a month and couldn’t possibly take Tabitha (the cat) with him, he called on his younger brother. … Continue reading

Seven of the World’s Easiest Questions

How long did the Hundred Years War last? In which country are Panama hats made? Where does catgut come from? What is a camel’s hair brush made of? What kind of creatures were the Canary Isles named after? What was King George VI’s first name? What color is a purple … Continue reading

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version

Entrance Exam – Football Player Version Time Limit: 3 WKS What language is spoken in France? Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau. Would you ask William Shakespeare to build a … Continue reading

Life Quotes 101

To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy. -Ancient Chinese Warlord To me old age is 15 years older than I am. -Bernard Baruch Everything considered, work is less boring than amusing oneself. -Charles … Continue reading

The Different Kinds of Computer Viruses

Ross Perot Virus -Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits. Mario Cuomo Virus -It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run. Oprah winfrey Virus -Your 200 MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back up to 200 MB. AT & T … Continue reading

Einstein

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Good Things About Getting Adopted by the Clintons

Instead of an allowance, you get a slush fund Can tell the other kids, “My Dad’s Secret Service agents can kick your dad’s ass” “Uncle Al” Gore always has lots of free time to play You can finally stop working in Kathie Lee’s sweatshop Get to hang out with all … Continue reading

Light Bulbs and College Students

How many George Washington students does it take to change a lightbulb? Five–one to change the lightbulb, and four to complain that, for the money they’re paying, someone damn well ought to change the lightbulb for them. How many Carnegie Mellon students does it take to change a lightbulb? Four … Continue reading