Microsoft Song

(Sung to the tune of ‘Money For Nothing’ By Dire Straits.) I don’t want, I don’t want, Don’t want Mi-cro-soft C(Tm), I don’t want, I don’t want, Don’t want Mi-cro-soft C(Tm), Now look at that yoyos, That’s the way you do it, Errors for nothing, And your bugs for free. … Continue reading

The Gates of Heaven

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, “Religion?” The man says, “Episcopalian”. St. Peter looks down his list, and says, “Go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8”. Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. “Religion”? “Baptist”. “Go to room … Continue reading

Win95 versus Jesus

If you have half a brain, you can’t help but notice the throng of publications, analysts and net users declaring Windows 95 the Saviour of the Computer Industry. If you have less than half a brain, you probably believe it. Could it be? Let’s compare Windows 95 against another Saviour, … Continue reading

Quotations

“I was not lying. I said things that later seemed to be untrue.” – Richard M. Nixon “I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a book.” – Grouch Marx “Why hate yourself in the Morning … Continue reading

Microsoft and the Catholic Church

MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church By Hank Vorjes VATICAN CITY (AP) — In a joint press conference in St. Peter’s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of … Continue reading

Lawyer: Too Young To Die

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. “I’m … Continue reading

News Flash

News Flash: In a surprise move, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates announced yesterday that he has purchased the entire calendar year of 1995. 1995 will be replaced instead by “Year-M” to be followed by actual 1995. “Windows 95 was not going to ship on schedule,” Gates said. “But we couldn’t change … Continue reading

Microsoft Panhandler v1.0 (Beta)

Redmond, WA — Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling. “The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money,”recalls Gates. “I suddenly realized that we were missing … Continue reading

Excerpts from the LA Times

In The News – Excerpts from the LA Times (Includes some late night humor) 1996 was ushered in with a 6 foot 500 pound sphere covered with 12,000 rhinestones at Times Square in New York. Elvis lives! For those still recovering from a weekend of football, here is the bowl … Continue reading