50 Fun Things Todo In A Final Exam (That Does Not Matter)

(i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam) Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

The Top 10 ways the NFL is planning to cut down on injuries

Make the field out of foam rubber Coat every player’s body with Teflon so nobody can touch them Give out free vials of crack to all Dallas Cowboys who make it through a game without injury Replace all defensive linemen with Westminster’s professors Replace all offensive linemen with mandrills Make … Continue reading

Top 10 Predictions for the Pittsburgh Pirates during 1998

Tony Womack will steal 80 bases and put Delano DeShields and Deion Whats-his-name to shame Lloyd McClendon will get pissed if nobody gets a hit, so he’ll hit for himself Out of the blue, Al Martin will be the one to beat Maris’ home run record Cordova will win 20 … Continue reading

Top 10 Surprises in the 1997 National Football League Season

Jerry Rice hinted that he might be mortal Art Modell admitted that he’s an ass Barry Sanders is really Steve Urkel The Dallas Cowboys are two felonies short of their annual average Al Davis admitted that Super Bowl MVP’s aren’t all they’re cracked up to be Tom Coughlin holds sensitivity … Continue reading

Top 10 Predictions For The 1998 Major League Baseball Playoffs

Sandy Alomar will spit in John Hirschbeck’s face to keep the family tradition alive Jeffrey Mayer will be banned from any Game 6 for the Yankees MLB will lift the ban on Mayer when Steinbrenner signs him to a 15-day contract to play right field for “defensive purposes” Matt Karchner … Continue reading

A Seedy Story

There’s a story about an MIT student who spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking … Continue reading

Unusual Town Names

These are names of real towns in the US Aromatic Creek, MO Go to Hell Gulch, SD Caress, WV Flirtation, CO Kiss Me Quick, SD Benign Peak, AK Bellicose Peak, AK Deception Creek, AR Delusion Lake, WY Another River, AK Peculiar, MO Yum Yum, TN Climax, OR Ding Dong, TX … Continue reading

100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate

Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave “Slim Jim” wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say you know nothing about them. Get some hair. Disperse … Continue reading

Why Beer Is Better Than A Woman

You can enjoy a beer all month. Beer stains wash out. You don’t have to wine and dine a beer. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. When beer goes flat you toss it out. Beer is never late. HANGOVERS go away. A beer doesn’t get … Continue reading

Smurf; Biological Reproduction and Cultural Development

One of the great mysteries that has puzzled men and women of the current 15-25 year-old generation is the riddle of the smurfs. Where exactly did they come from? How on earth do they reproduce? Where did Papa Smurf come from? Is smucking a real smurf cultural event? Here, after … Continue reading

Top 25 Reasons that Hockey is Better than Sex

It’s ok to bleed during play. If it’s a bad game, you can call a time out. Every player usually has two or three sticks to choose from. There is a limit to the sizes of all equipment. You can still play when you get married. You can change on … Continue reading

Thoughts on Golf

In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf. Golf was … Continue reading

25 rules for Women

25 rules for Women (Composed by Men) 1. SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or talk to your sister. 2. Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute … Continue reading

Government Contracting Definitions

CONTRACTOR — A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. BID OPENING — A poker game in which the losing hand wins. BID — A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. LOW BIDDER — A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. … Continue reading

Top 10 Reasons you can’t remember what was before life

John Hoban (Shibumi@epix.net) wrote in newsgroup alt.philosophy objectivism: : If there is no personal ego that can remember life before this one : how can one “remember”. Isn’t that supposed to be possible? — TOP TEN LIST BY T.A. DARCOS & COMPANY — (Not affliliated with Worldwide Pants, Inc.) (Drumroll) … Continue reading

50 Fun Things Todo in a Final That Doesn’t Matter

You are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam, so: Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say “oh geez, better get cracking” and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes … Continue reading

Gag Headlines

Some gag headlines on how the media would handle the end of the world. USA Today: WE’RE DEAD. Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS. National Enquirer: O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN. Inc. Magazine: 10 WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE. Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION … Continue reading