The Countries of Europe (Offensive to Europe)

Country Description ALBANIA Albanians have it rough. Even the beaches are swept by searchlights. Also, how can you trust a country whose only celebrity lives somewhere else? Albania’s sole luminary, Mother Theresa, had to go into Third world charity work to get out of the place. National Pastime :- They … Continue reading

Clues for Individuals

Clues for Individuals ——————— The following 11 tips based on allegedly true stories reported from observers in the field. 1. If you’re bidding on a job for UPS, don’t send your bid by FedEx. 2. If your computer says, “Printer out of Paper,” this problem cannot be resolved by continuously … Continue reading

Merry Christmas – ASCII Art

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Twelve Drummers Drumming .-} .-} .-} |_| |_| |_| (_) (_) __ (_) .—. | .–. | .’ ‘. | / |_|–o ) |_|–o ; |_|–o | |:| ‘–‘ |:|’.__.’ |:| / |:| |:| |:| `—` |:|_ |:|_ … Continue reading

How cold is it? (An Annotated Thermometer)

60 degrees – Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe) 50 degrees – Miami residents turn on the heat 40 degrees – You can see your breath Californians shiver uncontrollably, Minnesotans go swimming 35 degrees – Italian cars don’t start 32 degrees – Water freezes 30 degrees – You plan … Continue reading

Kids Ideas About Science

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain’s contention that the ‘most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.’ Question: What is one horsepower? … Continue reading

Steven Wright Quotes and One-Liners

Steven Wright: When I was growing up, my parents had a quick-sandbox. I was an only child… eventually. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering. I put instant coffee in the microwave and almost went back in time. I used to have a dog. I named him … Continue reading

Things That Piss Me Off

“Put stamp here” instructions on envelopes When you can see a ventriloquist’s lips moving Co-workers who jam the copier. then flee the scene of the crime Fans who do “the wave” too many times Running to answer a phone that’s ringing on TV Having to make idle conversation with your … Continue reading

Rightsizing The North Pole, inc.

Seasons Greetings The usual large flamboyant typeface associated with the seasons greetings has been downsized this year commensurate with the trend toward corporate downsizing. [And the fact that SMTP does not support typeface control] The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package … Continue reading