Top 10 Bombshells in THE STARR REPORT

In 1986, Al Gore was replaced with an android Monica’s pet name for Clinton’s penis is “Skin Force One” Donna Shalala is actually a bastard daughter of Marge Schott Hillary and Janet Reno are lovers Hidden cameras were planted throughout the Oval Orifice Office by Jerry Springer Monica Lewinsky is … Continue reading

Star Wars the Musical

** “Luke” (to the tune of “Lump” by The Presidents of the USA) ** ** New words by Patrick Mines. Luke sat alone on Tatooine, Waiting for something to happen to him. Droids showed up on the moisture farm, They totally confused all the passing jawas. He’s Luke, he’s Luke, … Continue reading

More Stupid American Laws

These are real standing laws from around the United States of America. Hope you enjoy them and remember, Law Enforcement is no joke! Alabama It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. California Community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to … Continue reading

Ten things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving, but aren’t

Reach in and grab the giblets. Whew, that’s one terrific spread! I’m in the mood for a little dark meat. Tying the legs together will keep the insides moist. Talk about a huge breast! “and he forced his way into the end zone…” She’s 5000 pounds fully inflated and it … Continue reading

Armed Forces Joke

One day, a general of the army, an admiral, and an air force general are having an argument about whose branch of the military is braver. So the admiral yells to a passing sailor, “Sailor, catch that falling anchor!” The sailor snaps to attention, shouts, “Yes, sir!”, runs under the … Continue reading

100+ Ways #Barney Should Die

Nitroglycerin suppository My First (and Last) Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit Paper cuts from hate mail Wine press Random act of terrorism Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride) Clubbed by a baby seal hunter Exploding gas barbeque Date with Lorana Bobbit / Tonya Harding Rusty … Continue reading

Snow Skiing

Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European. . Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, First Aid, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. . … Continue reading

Product Warnings For Physicists

WARNING: This Product Attracts Every Other Piece of Matter in the Universe, Including the Products of Other Manufacturers, with a Force Proportional to the Product of the Masses and Inversely Proportional to the Distance Between Them. HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: The Mass of This Product Contains the Energy Equivalent of … Continue reading

Smurf Sex

A Joke not suitable for readers under the age of 18.

It’s time to tell the truth about Smurfs. You see, Smurfs are a lot like other folks; they have dreams and ambitions, deep, thoughtful conversations with each other, and good and bad times. “But,” people ask, “do Smurfs have….. you know,…… sex?” The answer is an emphatic and resounding YES! And … Continue reading

Clinton jokes

“On the twelfth day of Clinton, he promised we will see twelve jobs for Hillary, eleven billion for Boris, attention to the deficit, `nein’ to German competitors, aid to Somalia, seven days a week of health care, six billion in aid to students, five folding wings (of the Air Force). … Continue reading

Star Wars!

** “Luke” (to the tune of “Lump” by The Presidents of the USA) ** ** New words by Patrick Mines. Luke sat alone on Tatooine, Waiting for something to happen to him. Droids showed up on the moisture farm, They totally confused all the passing jawas. He’s Luke, he’s Luke, … Continue reading

Every 4th November

Clinton, Dole, and Perot are on a long flight in Air Force One. Perot pulls out a $100 bill and says “I’m going to throw this $100 bill out and make someone down below happy.” Dole, not wanting to be outdone, says, “If that was my $100 bill, I would … Continue reading

Microsoft Windows for Macintosh Advertising Campaign

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be: Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation! Why settle for … Continue reading